Just Ask
by QueenCari1129
Summary: (Spoilers for Brotherhood) Want to ask the cast of FMAB a question? Here's your chance now!
1. Introduction

Hello, fans of Fullmetal Alchemist! And welcome to a segment I would like to call, Asking the Cast

Now, I know there are a bunch of these floating around on this site, but I'd really like to try this, so here we go.

How does this work? Easy peasy. All you have to do is ask any one of the characters a question and they will answer. You can ask them ANYTHING you want, but I won't guarantee that their answers will be what you are hoping them to be. In other words, your questions might offend them.

Little note, I follow the Brotherhood verse more than the 2003 universe, so I'd appreciate it if you can ask me more about Brotherhood. But if you want, you can ask any questions to the 2003 cast.

Well then, feel free to ask a question in the reviews section and hopefully next update we can answer them. Stay tuned until then!


	2. The Chaotic Questions

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. At all. I am just borrowing them to use them for my amusement.

Ed: SHE'S TORTURING US! HELP!

Me: -covers his mouth- Shh... relax, Edo.

Ed: -muffled- Don't call me that!

Also, any pop culture references you see here I do not own at all. I don't own any songs, movies, shows, any of that media. They belong to their respective owners.

* * *

Welcome to Asking the Cast! I am your host, Queen Cari! And here we have some questions for our cast of FMA, asked by our lovely reviewers!

Ed: I don't want to do this.

Me: Oh, hush, Edward. We're gonna do this! Is everyone ready?

Ed: No.

Al: Uh… sure

Mustang: Not really

Everyone else: Ehh….

Me: -.-" Whatever. Let's get this started!

Our first question is from **agarfinkel**! Let's see what they have to say!

**King Bradley- even though you were ordered to by Father, was it awkward addressing Pride, the first homunculus, as your son?**

Bradley: Not exactly. I was given my task to pretend he was my son, and I would act it until Father goes on with his plan.

**Olivier- why is it that you and your youngest sister, Katherine, are the only normal looking people in your family?**

Olivier: Tch. Why does our appearance matter anyways?

Me: Did you know that she sparkles as well?

Olivier: -gives me a death glare-

Me: -sweatdrops-

**Al- who do you like more: May Chang or Julia Creighton (from the Sacred Star of Milos movie)?**

May: Who's Julia, Alphonse?

Al: Uh, just a girl we met near Creta. She was really nice. And I like them both. They are really sweet.

Ed: But Al, they are asking who do you like more.

Al: What do you mean? I like them the same.

Ed: They meant _like_, Al, you know, that _like_.

Mustang: Kinda like how Fullmetal_ likes_ his mechanic.

Ed: What! Not that way, you bastard! Well, I like Winry and all, but not like that!

Mustang: Someone's in denial.

Ed: Shut up, you bastard!

Me: -sighs- Security!

-Security come out to restrain them-

Ed: WTF!

Mustang: Hey! I didn't do anything!

Me: Behave or I'll make you two hold hands for the rest of the evening.

Both of them: …

Al: -uses this time to avoid the question-

Me: Al, answer the question.

Al: Uh… well… I uh…

May: Well Al?

Al: Uhh… -blushes-

Ed: Answer the question Al!

Al: I… like them the same. B-But, I kinda bonded more with May, you see, going to Xing and all to study with her…

Me: Poor Al. That's what happens when you want a girlfriend.

**Riza- how did you end up owning your dog, Black Hayate?**

Hawkeye: Oh, well, it was raining, and Fuery found him outside. He couldn't keep him, because he lived in the dorms. Falman also lived in the dorms, and Breda was not exactly fond of dogs. Havoc hinted that he wanted him for dinner.

Havoc: I WAS KIDDING!

Mustang Unit: -gives him a glare-

Havoc: It was a joke! Geez.

Hawkeye: Anyways… the Colonel made it seem like he would overwork the poor thing.

Mustang: It was a joke! I love dogs, I won't do that to him.

Hawkeye: Right…

Mustang: It's true… I'm not that cruel.

Ed: -cough-bullshit-cough-

Mustang: -glares at him-

Me: Edward…

Ed: …

Hawkeye: -sighs- Anyways, so, since no one could keep him, I took him in.

Fuery: And I was grateful for that. Thank you Lieutenant.

Hawkeye: You're welcome.

Me: I bet Black Hayate is grateful too, right boy?

Black Hayate: Arf!

Havoc: Wait… does anyone remember that Hawkeye shot at him?

Everyone: O_O -sweatdrops-

Hawkeye: What? He needed discipline. He shouldn't have pee on the wall.

Me: Man… poor dog. And boys, you guys should take that as a sign to behave.

Mustang Unit: We do.

Me: Anyways… onto the next question.

And here are questions from **ms. cheerful**

**Hey Ed, do you have a middle name?**

Ed: No, I do not.

Me: I don't think many of the characters have middle names... except for the Armstrong family, of course.

Armstrong: Why, of course! The art of giving a middle name has been passed down the Armstrong family for generations!

Olivier: -twitch-

Me: -sighs- Major... put your shirt back on.

**Why do you like cats so much, Al?**

Al: Well, cats are really adorable creatures. And I've always wanted a cat since I was little! But Brother said we can't have one.

Ed: We were busy Al. We couldn't take care of any animals.

Al: But Ed...

Ed: Look, Al, now that we got your body back, you can have all the cats you want.

Al: :O Yay!

Me: I have a feeling Al will be a cat lady when he grows up.

Al: Hey look, a cat! -grabs my cat- Hello there, pretty girl!

Me: Al, put Rayas back down.

Ed: Ha. What kind of name is Rayas?

Me: Shut it, Ed. Next question:

**Hey Pride? Was it hard acting like an innocent child and being like a mama's boy?**

Pride: Like I told Alphonse Elric before, it was a little fun. It was entertaining as well.

Homunculi: MAMA'S BOY!

Pride: SHUT UP!

**Why do you always have a cigarette in your mouth, Havoc?**

Havoc: -smoking a cigarette- Because I can. Cigarettes help me relax easily. And you would need them if you're working for the Colonel.

Mustang: Those things will kill you one day.

Havoc: Oh well, I lived my life.

Me: Too bad you had a crappy love life.

Mustang: Huzzah. -high fives-

Havoc: I hate you all.

Me: Love you too, Havoc.

**Who would you want to obey orders from first: Lust or Father? (Question for Gluttony)**

Gluttony: Well, Lust is my best friend. And Father is my Father. Lust obeys my Father, so I obey Lust too. And by obeying Lust I obey Father.

Me: .-. Jeez, I don't even obey my own parents.

**Why do you hate milk so much, Ed?**

Ed: -dark aura- Milk is a disgusting and evil substance that came from the utters of an animal.

Me: Well, Ed, milk is needed to feed the young. Even us humans need milk. That's why women have breasts.

-Guys look up with eyes wide-

Havoc: Wait... what?

Me: We have breasts so we can feed babies.

Mustang: So... wait what?

Ed: You're kidding me?

Me: Basic biology boys.

Havoc: Holy shit... And I love big breasts!

Me: -shrugs- I do too, Havoc. I do too.

Every other female: -sighs in frustration-

Me: Well then... next one.

Our next question is from **MissiB **

**O.k, here's a question for Envy: Yo, Envy, why do you insist on looking like a transgender palm tree all the time?**

Envy: WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE KEEP CALLING ME A TRANSGENDER PALM TREE?!

Greed: Because you look like one?

Envy: SHUT UP!

Greed: Look at you man. You're ugly as fuck! That hairstyle and that skort doesn't help at all.

Envy: I'll snap your neck you bastard.

Al: Miss Cari, aren't you going to separate them?

Me: Nah.

Ed: HEY! Then why do we -points at Mustang- get punished if we fight?!

Me: Because I love torturing you two more. Besides, a Homunculi fight will get ratings and shit.

Ed: Fuck you .

Well then, on to the next questions! Here is one from **Bluefire21**

**I guess I can come up with a few. If you don't mind, I would like to ask questions of someone who is rather…dead.**

**Dear Hughes: What's you opinion of Royai? Also what's your opinion of Parental Royed or Parental Roy/Elrics in general? And finally, do you happen to have proof of either with your infamous camera?**

Me: Not to worry, Bluefire! Everyone here is alive, even if they died in the show.

Hughes: Hooray! Well, Royai... um... -whispers- what's Royai?

Me: It's the name of the romantic pairing between Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye.

Mustang: What?

Hawkeye: Huh?

Hughes: Ooooh! I'll tell you what I think of them! If it weren't for the fraternization rules, I would have made sure that Roy already popped the question to her!

Mustang: Hughes, she's just a friend.

Hughes: Don't deny it, Roy! Listen, whenever he would get drunk at the bar-

Mustang: -clamps his hand over Hughes' mouth.- Shut up!

Hughes: -muffled noises-

Mustang: EW! -pulls his hand away- He licked my hand!

Me: Spill it, Hughes.

Hughes: Well, he would go on about how pretty and amazing Lt. Hawkeye is. She is the most amazing woman he's ever met and he wouldn't ever want to lose her.

Mustang: -looks down in embarrassment-

Ed: So... Colonel Bastard has a thing for the Lieutenant?

Mustang: Shut it, Fullmetal.

Hughes: Aw, speaking of Fullmetal, parental Roy/Ed and Roy/Al is adorable! I knew Roy was the fatherly type!

Mustang: What? No!

Ed: Hell no!

Al: Uh... the Colonel does look out for us a lot though.

Mustang: I'm their commanding officer, not their father.

Hawkeye: He believes if people refer to him as their father, it makes him feel old.

Mustang: I'm not old! Besides, I'm more like their handsome older brother than anything.

Ed: Keep dreaming, old man.

Mustang: Shut. It.

Hawkeye: -sighs-

Me: Ed... Colonel, remember the deal.

Both of them: -grumbles-

Hughes: Aw, it would be nice to see them hold hands. It would make another collection to my photos. Oh that's right, I have some pictures here of this so called Royai you speak of.

Mustang: WHAT!

Hawkeye: What are you talking about?

Havoc: Show us!

Breda: Spill them, Lt. Colonel!

Ed: -snickers- Perfect.

Hughes: -looking through photos- Hm... I can't find them... perhaps in my other wallet. Oh look, here's a picture of my lovely daughter Elysia! Isn't she adorable? -shows off his pictures of his daughter-

Everyone else: Oh God!

Me: Daw, she's so cute. x3

Hughes: Isn't she? Look at her! Well, off to find the Royai pictures! -searches through his stacks of photos-

Me: Well then... while Hughes is doing that, next question

Here's one from **KonohaKame01**

**Dear Winry, ****Do you have an eye for a particular short, golden eyed alchemist? If so, how many kid?**

Winry: -blushes- Uh... well, um...

Al: Do you Win? -smirks mischievously-

Winry: I uh, don't really like guys who are shorter than me...

Al: But Brother got a growth spurt.

Winry: Fine... well, I do have a crush on Ed. Actually, I've been in love with him for a while now.

Hughes: Aw, so Ed and his mechanic do settle down! That is just adorable! -still looking for those Royai pictures-

Mustang: Ha, I knew it.

Al: Well, that is adorable. :] What do you think about that, Brother?

-We all look and noticed Ed is missing from his seat. A few moments later he returns-

Ed: Sorry, had to take a leak. Did I miss something?

Winry: ...

Al: ...

Hughes: Well, you screwed up. -still looking for pictures-

Ed: What I miss?

Me: -.-" Dammit Ed.

Next question. Ooh, a guest reviwer! This is from... **justaguest **

**um ling and roy,**  
**you two are my favorite characters and i want a request. can you two sing for me? you guys can pick any song you want :)**

Mustang: I'm not singing.

Ling: Ooo, but I want to sing :D Come on, Colonel, we should sing together!

Mustang: No.

Me: Come on, Colonel. Sing for the audience!

Hughes: Come on Roy, you can do it!

Ed: Ha, he's just mad cause he has a terrible singing voice.

Mustang: Shut it, shorty.

Ed: WHO'RE YOU CALLING SHORT THAT HE ISN'T EVEN THE SAME HEIGHT AS EVERYONE WHILE SITTING DOWN?!

Mustang: You heard me.

Ed: I'm going to kill you now!

Me: THAT'S IT! Strike three! Al, Winry, Hawkeye, I need your help! Security, restrain them!

Ed: WHAT?! NO! -Al grabs him-

Al: Sorry Brother!

Me: Winry, knock him out.

Winry: Gladly (still mad about confessing but Ed was not there to hear it) -hits him hard with a wrench-

Ed: x.x

-Meanwhile Hawkeye has her gun pointed at Mustang's head-

Hawkeye: Sorry, sir. But you two had a deal and broke it.

Mustang: Betrayed by my most loyal subordinate. T.T

Me: Hand me the superglue.

Mustang: WHAT?!

-Superglues Mustang's hand onto Ed's-

Me: There we go. Now behave until the end of the segment.

Mustang: ...

-Everyone else laughs at their misery-

Ling: ... Um... what song should we sing?

Me: Mustang, if you sing, then I can take off the glue. Deal?

Mustang: ... Fine. Come on, future Emperor. What song should we sing?

Ling: ... Can we think about it?

Me: Sure.

Ling: GREAT! -squeezes in the small space between Mustang and Hawkeye- Okie doke! Now let's us decide what song to sing!

Mustang: Hm... what do we have in common?

Ling: Uh... we're awesome?

Mustang: Yes we are.

Al: You two get Ed really annoyed.

Hawkeye: You're both childish when you're happy, yet, you two put your subordinates before yourselves.

Ling: ... What's your goal, Colonel?

Mustang: I want to be the Fuhrer of Amestris.

Ling: Funny. I want to be the Emperor of Xing.

Al: So both of you guys want to be King...

...

Me: Oh God not that song!

Ling: Oh I just can't wait to be King!

Mustang: Oh I just can't wait to be King!

Both: Oh we just can't waiiiiiiiiitttttt... TO BE KING!

Me: Dammit -.-"

Well, that ends this segment. Thanks for the questions folks! Perhaps we can see you guys next time!


	3. Next Round is Up!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters at all. I am just borrowing them for my mere amusement.

Al: Miss Cari also doesn't own any of the pop culture references she tends to make on here.

Me: Hey, why are you hosting? Where's the little short runt?

Al: Knocked out.

Me: Still?

Al: Yeah... freaked out when he found himself glued to Mustang.

Me: Oh right... gotta do something about that...

* * *

Welcome folks to another round of Just Ask! First round was a success! I would like to thank **agarfinkel**, **ms.** **cheerful**, **MissiB**, **Bluefire21**, **KonohaKame01**, and **justaguest** for their questions. You guys are awesome! Today, we have a new round of questions, and... er, -tries to avoid Mustang's glare- I need to fix something... soon. .-.

Anyways, here we go with an entry from **MissiB**

**I'm DYING! This was f#cking hilarious you little LEGEND! And Envy, I have no regrets. You're a transgender palm tree but you still have millions of fangirls so deal with it. Am I allowed to ask another question? Because if so, I wanna ask Olivier if she ever dated Buccaneer or plans on it :D**

Olivier: You are aware that we are not allowed to date our subordinates right?

Me: Yes or no, General?

Olivier: -glares-

Me: ... -hides behind Hawkeye- Protect me, my Queen.

Hawkeye: ?

Olivier: No, I have not and never will. The relationship between my soldiers and I are between superior and subordinate. However, I do respect Buccaneer and his ability. I am proud to have him as a soldier.

Buccaneer: -smirks in satisfaction-

Me: ... -mutters to myself- Fraternization laws seem to be in the way of all these relationships... . Anyways, next ques-

Envy: HEY WAIT A MINUTE! DID SHE CALL ME A TRANSGENDER PALM TREE AGAIN?!

Me: Everyone calls you that.

Envy: I'm not a transgender palm tree. What the hell?!

Greed: Nah, you're a transgender palm tree.

Envy: Shut up you traitor.

Me: Homunculi fight! :D

Al: You should make them behave like you did to Ed and the Colonel.

Me: Nah... say, is Ed still knocked out? Mustang?

Mustang: -pokes Ed- Yeah, out cold. He's still breathing though. Anyways... LET US GO, YOU WITCH!

Me: Hm...

Mustang: I sang, dammit. Let us go now.

Me: Let me go get the glue remover... um... be right back! Al, take over for me! -runs off-

Al: Well... okay, so next question is from a guest named **Ash**

**1. Al, do u miss ur armor when u now have ur body?**

Al: Ooo, first question! Well... my body did have advantages, but I worked hard to get my body back. But I will miss it.

Hughes: What did you do with your body, anyways?

Al: Well, we used the pieces to make automail parts for Winry and Granny's customers. My head ended up as a nest for a bird and her family. -chuckles-

Ling: Daw, that's adorable!

Al: Isn't it? Oh, here you go, Colonel:

**2. Roy, how many girls have u gone out, u write ur alchemy notes with their names right?**

Mustang: Why do they all call me Roy... huh? Oh, how many girls. Heh... -checks alchemy notes- A few.

Hawkeye: Most of the girls he goes out with are his informants.

Hughes: And adoptive sisters.

Mustang: Yeah. Did you actually think I was that loose?

Hughes: Apparently from what Cari said, the 2003 anime did make you seem like that.

Mustang: Huh... really?

**3. Riza, what do u think of Roy's answer?**

Hawkeye: -shrugs- Whoever the Colonel dates is not my business, as long as he isn't in danger.

Mustang: Thanks Hawkeye, but you don't need to worry about me.

Hawkeye: ... -raises an eyebrow at him-

Mustang: ... Um... -reads rest of questions- Oh, the next one's for Ed.

**4. Shorty ... I mean Edward, whats ur height without ur shoes & the antenna?**

Al: Ed's stil-

Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT THAT YOU CAN SQUASH LIKE AN ANT!

Mustang: He's alive.

Ed: My height is just fine, thank you very much. I had a growth spurt, you know.

Al: Let us measure you, Brother.

Ed: HEY! WHY AM I STILL STUCK TO THIS GUY?! I DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS HAND HAS BEEN!

Mustang: Ow, don't scream in my ear, you brat!

Ed: SHUT UP YOU BASTARD! WHERE'S THAT CRAZY WITCH AT ANYWAYS?!

Al: She ran off to get glue remover for you two. Also, Scar, here's your question

**5. Scar, do u think that in a fair fight with no hostages, u could beat Ed?**

Scar: Hm.. I don't know. Fullmetal is a good fighter, and I won't use hostages against him.

Ed: Yeah, I doubt he would. The only way we can see for sure is if we can settle it... later. When that crazy witch returns with the glue remover.

Al: All right. Next question from **Aida**

**ed, what do you think of royai?**

Ed: Royai... um, that pairing with Hawkeye and Colonel Shithead?

Al: Yeah, that was it.

Ed: You want the truth? -stares at Hawkeye- I have too much respect for the Lieutenant to even imagine her with a lazy useless bastard like Mustang.

Mustang: ... Useless...

Hawkeye: Um...

Ed: -shrugs- In reality, I think they would make a good couple. Hawkeye can manage the Colonel, and we know how well they work together. If he ever makes it to the top, I won't be surprised if she's still by his side, but as his wife.

Hawkeye: Edward...

Ed: Sorry, it's just my thoughts, don't worry about it. ... -thinks- Hm... that gives me another deal for the Colonel. Heh heh.

Mustang: He's thinking to himself again.

Al: He always does that. So, Mr. Hughes, here's one for you:

**hughes, did you find those pictures?**

Hughes: The Royai ones? No, I haven't! -starts looking for them-

Mustang: Dammit!

Hawkeye: -rubs her forehead in frustration-

Al: Sorry, Colonel and Lieutenant... next up is-

Hughes: FOUND IT! -holds up a few pictures-

-Suddenly there's a snap and the pictures burns up-

Hughes: ... WHAT THE HELL!?

Mustang: -whistling and shoving his gloves in his pockets-

Hughes: YOU BURNED UP PICTURES OF MY ELYSIA TOO!

Mustang: ... Whoops.

Hughes: Y-You monster! -sinks into depression-

Al: You broke him, Colonel.

Mustang: It's his fault.

Al: I guess we would never see what was in that picture... Oh well...

Moving on, here's** Not so human**

**I have a few questions. Ed, when you were impaled in Baschool, what was going through your head? And Al, do you think either you or Ed have PTSD from your human transmutation?**

Ed: ... All I could think about was my family back at home. I thought about the Promised Day and that I need to make out of this alive. I had people waiting for me.

Al: Brother...

Ed: It's a memory I don't want to remember, but I remember it because it's a reminder that I'm alive.

Everyone who loves Ed: ...

Al: Wow... About your other question... I thought about it a lot. But I don't think I could classify it as PTSD.

Ed: I get nightmares. Lots of them. However, that doesn't scare me anymore, because it's in the past. Now it's time to move on.

Al: I got a little sentimental here... next question?

Ed: Sure.

Al: Next up is **Guest**

**Scar, I want to know why you attacked Ed. And none of that "he's a state alchemist" crap. I want a legitamate reason for why you attacked a child who had nothing to do with the war. Especially one who was so much like your own brother.**

Scar: You already answered your own question. All that was driving me was blind rage. Any State Alchemist, whether they were in the war or not, was my target. However, that was in the past, and now I respect Fullmetal.

Ed: ... Puh. .

Al: You two are still going to have that match later, right?

Ed: I don't know... Where's that witch at anyways?

Mustang: Someone should phone her.

Ling: What's her phone number?

Ed: How should I know? She kidnapped us.

Al: Ask the security! Anyways, moving on, here's a question from **Revix**

**Can Ed sing 'Brothers' or 'Nothing I won't give'?**

Ed: I don't sing.

Al: Come on, Brother! Sing for us!

Ling: Colonel Mustang and I sang. Come on Ed!

Winry: Ed has a really nice voice.

Ed: No... I don't want to sing.

Havoc: Come on, chief, sing for us!

Ed: No!

Al: Please, Ed?

Ed: I am not going to sing.

Mustang: What's the matter, Fullmetal? Do you have a bad voice or something?

Ed: ... -sighs- Here's for you, reviewer.

_How can I repay you brother of mine? _  
_How can I expect you to forgive? _  
_Clinging to the past I shed our blood _  
_And sheadered your chance to live _  
_Though I knew the laws _  
_I paid no heed _  
_How can I return your wasted breath? _  
_What I did not know has cost you dear _  
_For there is no cure for death. _

_Beautiful mother, soft and sweet _  
_Once you were gone, we were not complete _  
_Back through the years we reached for you _  
_At last was not meant to be _  
_And how can I make amends? _  
_For all that I took from you _  
_I lead you with hopeless dreams _  
_My brother I was a fool._

...

-several claps-

Ling: Oh, that was amazing!

Hawkeye: Wow, Edward, you have such an amazing voice.

Mustang: Damn, Fullmetal actually sang.

Ed: ... Shut up, bastard. And thanks guys. -grumbles to himself-

Al: Great job, Brother! Now, here's a couple of questions from **xDhanachanXD**

**This was pretty funny! I have a few questions **

**1. Ling: Why do you only ever open your eyes when s*** gets serious?**

Ling: My eyes are always open. .-.

**2. Ling: When Greed inhabited your body, how come He could actually open your eyes, but when your in control, you barely ever open them. **

Ling: My eyes were open the whole time. .-.

Greed: I'm pretty sure they were open...

**3. Ling: How do people tell the difference between you sleeping and you being awake? **

Ling: Easy! When I sleep, I am snoring peacefully like a baby.

**4. Ling: We know you have something going on with Lan Fan, you might as well say it to her. **

Ling: -grins- She's my best friend. And the greatest bodyguard I could ask for. I owe my life to her, and I couldn't ask for a better person in my life!

Lan Fan: -blushes- Y-Young Lord.

Ling: Hi, Lan Fan! :D

**5. Ed: Has it ever occurred to you how womanly you look with that long flowing hair of yours?**

Mustang: -snickers-

Ed: What?! I look fine with my hair long, thank you very much!

**Ling: You are my favorite character and I think everyone should have to treat you to a 5 star dinner in honer of How cool you are, and Also, since you are the coolest characters, you should give us some tips on how to be awesome like you.**

Ling: Aw, thank you, Hana-chan! -hugs Hanachan- You can be my new friend! Also, it's easy! Just go out and be yourself!

Ed: Your favorite character is the idiot prince?

Mustang: It's not like they are going to choose you, shrimp.

Ed: WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT! Also, it's not like they are going to love a pyromaniac stupid moron of a colonel like you!

Mustang: The fans like me just fine.

Me: I'M HERE! -runs into the studio- Sorry I'm late! I couldn't find the glue remover thingy.

Ed: FINALLY! -holds up hand that is glued- LET US OFF!

Me: Hold on, Ed. Be patient!

Ed: PATIENT?! I'VE BEEN STUCK TO MUSTANG!

Mustang: Please, separate us.

Me: I will, geez. -smiles at Al- Thanks, Al! Since I'm going to be here dealing with these two, keep hosting for the rest of the segment!

Al: Yay! Thanks, Miss Cari! Well then... next question is from** agarfinkel**

**Here are some more:**

**1. Lust, Gluttony, Envy, Greed (1st Greed in Brotherhood), and King Bradley- which death was more painful: the Brotherhood death or the 2003 series death (this includes the Conqueror of Shamballa movie)**

Lust: ... How did we die again in the 2003?

Envy: We died there too?

Al: Miss Cari?

Me: The homunculi die everywhere! -hands laptop- Look it up! -spreads glue removal on Mustang and Ed's hand-

-After looking it up-

Lust: ... I think being burned repeatedly was more painful.

Gluttony: I was transmuted... by Alphonse Elric?

Al: What?!

Gluttony: But Pride ate me! ... Dying hurts...

Envy: Tch, like I would admit which death was more painful.

Greed: Being burned like the bitch you are.

Envy: Shut it, traitor.

Greed: Oh, and I think being dropped into lava... and ripped out of a body... I died twice in the fucking manga.

Bradley: Well... I was burned repeatedly in the 2003 anime, but in Brotherhood I had no regenerating abilities and I got both of my arms cut off by that Ishvalan. Huh... tough choice, but I would have to go with being burned alive.

Me: And there you have it folks. Being burned is a painful way to go. -pats Mustang's head- See, you aren't so useless after all.

Mustang: ... Fuck you.

**2. Ling- do you having any feelings for Lan Fan (as in romantic)**

Ling: -smirks-

Lan Fan: ...

Ed: Answer the question, idiot prince!

Ling: I will answer until you answer your feelings for your lovely mechanic.

-Ed and Winry blush-

**3. Elric brothers- who do you think is scarier: Izumi or Olivier?**

Al: ... -sinks in chair-

Ed: D-Did you just ask us that?

Al: I just got my body back! I wanna live!

Ed: Both of them are scary!

Izumi: Only because I care, boys.

Olivier: -smirks-

**4. Alex Armstrong- is there ANYTHING you can beat Oliver at?**

Armstrong: Why, yes, reviewer! -takes off shirt- Alchemy that has been passed down the Armstrong family for generations!

Olivier: -face palms- How the fuck are we related?

Mustang: I sometimes wonder that...

Ed: Why are we still stuck together?

Me: Oh, this takes a while. Wait an hour.

Ed: WHAT!

Mustang: Lieutenant, just shoot me now.

Hawkeye: No, sir.

Me: Behave yourselves, boys. Carry on, Al.

Al: All right. Here's a question from **highway country 1994**

**First Question Ed: why do you get mad when people call you short**

Ed: Because I'm not short.

Mustang: -snorts-

Ed: Once we get unstuck, it's on, you bastard.

Me: Both of you, behave. Or else I'll not only glue you two back together, but I'll make you wear a get along shirt!

Mustang: A get along shirt?

Me: Yeah. A get along shirt. You'll see what it is if you keep this up.

Ed: -grumbles- You witch.

Al: Brother, be nice.

**2 Question Envey: who would you rather date Miley Cyrus or Tom Hanks**

Envy: Who the fuck are they? If they're humans, I won't date them. I won't lower myself to get involved with such a waste.

Me: I don't think Miley is a human...

**and ****Question 3 Winrey: if you and ed had kids what wold their names be and whould you let them learn alchemy.**

Winry: What! If Ed and I have kids...? Um.. -blushes- Well, I'll tell you what I would name MY kids, not Ed's. MY kids. Hm.. I haven't thought about it. I still have a while before I settle down. Also, I don't think I would let them be alchemy freaks-

Ed: HEY!

Winry: Unless they want to. If they do, then I'll make sure these two -points at Ed and Al- teach them.

Al: Aw, I'd love to teach kids alchemy! Here's an entry from **Bluefire21**

**Amusing…and while I'm sure Roy and Ling have excellency singing voices…Scar will always sing that song best!**

Scar: ... What?

Me: What?

Ling: What song are they talking about?

Me: The one you sang last segment?

Ling: We only sang part of it.

Mustang: -whispers- Don't give her any ideas.

Ling: ... But I liked that song!

Scar: ... -still wondering why he would be the best to sing that song-

Al: Moving on. Here's **ms. cheerful **

**_ that was really good. i...have some more...**

**1. Why aren't your eyess purple like every other homunculi, Pride?**

Pride: Because my container wasn't designed with purple eyes.

Me: They turned purple when you ate your own brother.

Mustang: You ate your own brother?

Pride: I didn't eat him. I just simply absorbed him and we became one.

Ed: That doesn't make any sense! If I ate Al-

Al: Hey!

Ed: It would not be us becoming one. It would be fucking cannibalism!

**2. What would you do if you were fuhrer for one day, Ed?**

Ed: If I were Fuhrer one day, I'd make sure all those who call me short will be forced to wear mini skirts.

-Majority of the State Army pales-

Al: ... Mini skirts?

Ed: Yeah, I'm deciding to use Mustang's mini skirts for this. Speaking of the Colonel...

Mustang: Shit...

Ed: Also, I would like for each soldier to throw apples at Roy Mustang.

Olivier: ... I'll follow that.

-Soldiers that dislike Mustang agree-

Mustang: At least I got my team protecting me somehow...

Havoc: Wait... we won't get in trouble?

Ed: Nope, it's on me.

Havoc: Sweet.

Mustang: You traitor!

Fuery: The Colonel won't burn us... right?

Ed: Nope.

Mustang: What the fuck?

Falman: Well, if that's what you want.

Mustang: Are you fucking serious?!

Breda: -shrugs- At least the apples won't go to waste.

Mustang: You guys are so loyal ...

Hughes: ... Hm... apples...

Mustang: Not you too.

Hughes: You burned my pictures!

Mustang: ... I said sorry.

Hughes: NO YOU DIDN'T!

Mustang: I'm sorry, Maes!

Hughes: Too late, Roy!

Mustang: God dammit, is there anyone who won't do this to me?! Hawkeye?!

Hawkeye: ... If it's an order from the Fuhrer...

Mustang: Betrayed by my most loyal subordinates!

Ed: Suck it, old man.

Mustang: I'm not old! I'm at a good age, thank you very much.

**3. Who are you more like: Trisha or Hohenheim? (Question for Ed)**

Ed: I can't really answer that. I have similar traits my parents... but I'm not like them. I'm my own person.

Me: He doesn't want to admit he's like Hohenheim.

Ed: Shut it, you witch! And I kind of respect him now.

**4. Which sibling do you trust the most and like the most, Pride? You have to say at least one  
**

Pride: I trust Wrath the most, but that's because I work with him more.

**5. Hey Major Armstrong? How are you able to sparkle everytime you take your shirt off? like, you take your shirt off, and then BAM. Sparkles galore!**

Armstrong: Why, reviewer, sparkling just appears! It's a trait that has been passed down the Armstrong family for generations!

Me: That means General Armstrong can-

Olivier: -gives me a death glare-

Me: -sits between Mustang and Hawkeye- At least I'll be safe here.

Mustang: -mutters something under his breath-

Me: Hm, what was that?

Mustang: ... I said you're a witch.

Me: What is it with you guys calling me a witch...? .-.

Al: I dunno. Okay, here's **Punkin717**

**Hey Ed, are you actually lactose intolerant and that's part of the reason why you don't drink milk?**

Ed: No, I'm not lactose intolerant. I just hate that disgusting substance.

Al: Brother is just stubborn.

Winry: And that is why he'll remain a bean for the rest of his life.

Ed: I GREW DAMMIT! I WAS TALLER THAN YOU!

Winry: I don't remember such thing.

Ed: Stand up! Look, let us all measure ourselves! -tugs on Mustang- Stand with me.

Mustang: Nah.

Ed: Come on, bastard!

Mustang: Don't wanna.

Ed: Come on!

Mustang: I will stand up when you revoke the apple law.

Ed: What the... Are you serious?

Mustang: I am.

Ed: Fine! Forget it! -stands up- Stand up Al.

Al: -stands up-

Me: -gets up to measure them- Al's taller.

Ed: ... Shut up.

Al: Sorry, Brother... um... here's more.

**Also... Hey Lan Fan, did you ever hook up with Ling?**

Lan Fan: Why is everyone asking us about our relationship?

Me: Because we want a clear answer about your futures.

Lan Fan: The Young Lord and I have a relationship where my duty comes first. His protection is always my first priority. Duty before love.

Me: ... -mutters- Same goes with Royai... -sighs-

Hawkeye: What was that?

Me: Just being a hopeless romantic here.

Hawkeye: -pats shoulder-

Ling: What if I said that you have to protect my heart from breaking, Lan Fan? -goofy grins-

Lan Fan: Wh-What?

Ling: -smirks-

Al: How adorable x3

Ling: You know what would be adorable? -grabs May and Al- My sister shall marry Alphonse! Then the Elrics would be part of my family for life!

May: -blushes- Prince Yao!

Al: H-Hey! What!

Ling: I should make that a direct order when I'm Emperor!

Al: -blushing- ... M-Moving on... Here's **justaguest**

***pouts* I wanted you two to sing the whole thing. oh well. *turns into a dragon and kidnaps ling and roy***

Mustang: What the?! -is dragging Ed along-

Ed: HEY! HELP!

Ling: Wee... WAIT AH!

Lan Fan: Young Lord!

Al: Brother!

Hawkeye: Colonel!

Me: HEY! I NEED THOSE THREE! D:

Lan Fan: -runs after them-

Hawkeye: -follows her-

Me: Bring them back for me girls! ... Now then... hopefully we get them back for next segment. .-. Thanks for coming folks!

* * *

Oh, that reminds me... I have an announcement to make! Like the witch I am -curses both Mustang and Ed under my breath- I have made a new change for this story. Next installment, I am adding a new feature: **Truth or Dare.**

If you guys want, you can DARE the characters to do anything, or force a secret out of them. (But we all know you guys will dare them instead). However, this is **ONLY** for next chapter. If all goes well, I might add the feature again.

... Now... we need Mustang, Ling and Ed back. We need them for this segment. Hopefully they will be back next segment. .-.


	4. Truth or Dare: Round One

Disclaimer: I do not own this franchise. I am just borrowing the characters for my mere amusement.

Al: Cari also doesn't own the pop culture references she tends to make on here.

* * *

Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to a special chapter of Jusk Ask :D I'm Queen Cari and this is my co-host, Alphonse Elric!

Al: Hi!

Me: I would like to thank **MissiB**,** Ash**, **Aida**,** Not so human**,** Guest**,** Revix**, **xDhanachanXD, agarfinkel, highway country 1994, Bluefire21, ms cheerful, Punkin717, **and** justaguest** (Though I'd appreciate if you don't kidnap the characters anymore)for their questions. You guys are awesome and I love you all!

Now, like I said last chapter, this is a special installment. **Truth or Dare**. Your normal questions are going to be considered "Truth" so, everyone has to answer them... TRUTHFULLY. And of course there are the dares. Well, I guess we are going to start this thing.

We got our cast back guys! Lan Fan and Lt. Hawkeye were kind enough to bring back our boys. Also, Ed and Mustang are no longer stuck to each other.

Mustang: -glares at me-

Ed: You witch.

Me: Why do you guys call me a witch? I'm not a witch.

...

Well then, let's get this round of Truth or Dare started. Al, will you do the honors?

Al: Gladly! Hey guys, and welcome to Truth or Dare! Here's **MissiB** for the first few questions. -crosses fingers that he won't get an embarrassing one-

**Envy, the more you b*** about being a Transgender Palm Tree, the more I'm gonna call you that, sorry *evil grin* so, I have a dare for you, Tranny PT! I dare you to hug Ed for a full two minutes. AND ED YOU CAN'T FIGHT HIM OFF! Muhahahaha!**

Envy: I should just tear you apart, human.

Me: Envy, darling, you got a dare.

Envy: I'm not going to do it.

Me: It's the rules, Envy. If you don't do it, I am not going to release you guys.

Envy: You bitch.

Greed: Come on, you transgender palm tree. Just hug the runt.

Ed: LITTLE RUNT!? I'LL BEAT YOU INTO A PULP!

Envy: Fine! Where's the pipsqueak!

Ed: NO! GET AWAY!

Me: Edward, you can't fight him off.

Edward: I HATE YOU!

Al: Brother... it's our only way out. Don't you want to escape?

Ed: ... FINE!

Envy: -walks over and hugs Ed for two minutes, then proceeds in kneeing him in the gut-

Ed: Ow! YOU BASTARD!

Envy: -goes back to his seat- They never said to not hit him. -folds arms-

Me: Touche. Here's** Sora Kim**

**Here's a question and a dare for Ed as well as Envy.**

Both of them: Well, fuck!

**Ed: What do you think your life would be like if Winry never existed?**

Ed: ... Well... Al and I won't have a really good friend like her. Two... if it weren't for Winry... then... I wouldn't have my leg. And I wouldn't have had that arm either.

Winry: I did what I could just to make sure you can reach your goal.

Ed: And for that I appreciate it. Winry, you really mean a lot to us.

Winry: -blushes- Th-Thanks, Ed.

**I dare you to go to Winry and give her a kiss.**

Ed: Wait, what?!

Winry: Wah?!

Mustang: Do it, Fullmetal.

Hughes: Aw, -pulls out camera-

Ed: HEY! N-No! What!? U-Uh... THINK THINK! HYDROGEN, HELIUM-

Winry: J-Just do it, Ed. So we can get out of here.

Ed: Wait, what?!

Winry: JUST DO IT! ... -blushes-

Ed: ... -sighs- Fine. How long?

Me: Three seconds.

Ed: Fine. -walks up to Winry and gives her a kiss on the cheek-

Me: Well... they never specified the kiss.

-SNAPSHOT-

-WOOT!-

-AW!-

Ed: -pulls away- Fuck you all! -sits and pouts-

Winry: -blushing-

Al: Awww I've been waiting for that for fourteen years. Here's one for Envy.

**Envy:Why do you wear feminine clothes?**

Envy: My clothes are not feminine! Besides, I look good in this. It explains all the fangirls I have.

-Screaming fangirls in the background-

Ed: I would never understand why you would have fangirls.

Envy: Same can be said for you, pipsqueak.

Ed: DON'T CALL ME A PIPSQUEAK!

Me: Ed, calm down.

Ed: HE CALLED ME A PIPSQUEAK!

Me: That's his nickname for you, kid. Get used to it. Anyways, Envy:

**I dare you to go a full chapter without yelling, cursing, or being mean in any way.**

Envy: Too late for that.

Me: Starting now, Envy.

Greed: In other words, shut up.

Envy: ... -plots ways to kill Greed after this-

Al: I have a feeling this isn't going to end well.** HowsBoutNo** is up!

**Question for Mustang's unit: What are all of your thoughts about Mustang and Hawkeye being together?**

Mustang: What?

Havoc: -smirks and takes out a box- See this, people? This is our betting pool. We have placed bets to see when will the Chief finally have the guts to ask her out.

Mustang: You did what now?!

Hawkeye: You four know that there are rules for a reason.

Havoc: -shrugs- We don't care. We ship it. Hard.

Mustang: -mutters something under his breath-

**And I dare Hawkeye and Mustang to kiss, like they mean it, and then give their honest opinions about each other after that. **

**HAHAHAHA :D**

Me: Oh my God! You have to do it. On the mouth! Go!

Mustang: No.

Ed: Come on, Colonel. I kissed my mechanic. Now kiss your Lieutenant.

Mustang: I won't do it unless she wants to.

Hawkeye: ... We don't really have a choice, don't we?

Me: Nope.

Hawkeye: -sighs- Rules don't apply here, right?

Me: Nu-uh.

Hughes: -waves camera- Come on, Roy!

Me: New picture for your collection, right?

Hughes: Of course!

Mustang: ... -sighs- I hate you all.

Me, Hughes, Mustang Unit: We love you too, Colonel.

Mustang: -gets up- Same time as Fullmetal, right?

Me: ... Nope. Ten seconds.

Hughes: On the mouth!

Havoc: And, LIKE YOU MEAN IT.

Mustang: ...

Hawkeye: ... -sighs-

Mustang: -kisses Hawkeye on the lips-

Hughes: Awww -snapshot-

Al: Huh... Brother was right, they make a good couple.

Falman: I win the bet.

Havoc: Shit! -hands box to him-

Mustang: -pulls away- There.

Me: I didn't say stop.

Hawkeye: That was ten seconds.

Me: Well... I changed it.

Mustang: You can't do that.

Me: I'm the host. :D Do what I say.

Mustang: Fuck you.

Me: Sorry for being a Royai fan... Oh, by the way, answer the question after that. It's Truth for both of you.

Mustang: ...

Hawkeye: Well, what I think of the Colonel? I think he is a lazy, manipulative, sometimes useless-

Mustang: HEY!

Hawkeye: -moron who needs a slap on the head.

-Snickering-

Ed: I agree

Hawkeye: However, Roy Mustang is a good man who is trying his best to fix the mistakes of the past and restore justice to the country he loves. He is a man who I will always trust and follow, even into the depths of hell.

Me: ... Do you love him?

Hawkeye: ... You can say that.

Mustang: -blushes- Well, Lieutenant Hawkeye is an amazing woman. She is an outstanding soldier and I am proud to have her in my unit. Riza Hawkeye is perhaps the greatest person in my life, and definitely the person I trust the most.

Me: ... Do you love her?

Mustang: -smiles- You can say that.

...

...

...

Hughes: ... AWWWW

Armstrong: THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL EXCHANGE I HAVE EVER SEEN! -manly tears-

Me: ... Major... put your... no, fuck it.

Ed: Well... damn.

Al: ... Yeah, they make a good couple.

Me: I need time to think... Al, host for now. -wanders off-

Al: Cari's drowning in her tears of happiness. Well, now a few questions from **Awesomenessgirl**

**Hey Its me Awesomenessgirl Anyway Ed and Al your both my Favorite and Roy your useless as always! And Ed if any one calls you S word then Call me and Anyway here's the Question**

**Roy: Why are you useless?**

Mustang: I'm not useless! Geez. I burned the fuck out of two homunculi for goodness sake!

Lust and Envy: -silently curse the Colonel under their breath-

**Ed: Ed Why won't you ask Winry Out alright! ;3**

Ed: ... I don't know, why dont YOU ask your crush out alright?!

Hughes: ... Your crush?

Ed: -blushing- Shut up.

**Winry: Your soo Lucky to have a Awesome guy like Ed can you tell how to get a guy like Ed?**

Winry: I don't even know myself. And thank you.

**Hughes: Since Your Awesome l will give you these *Gives picture of his daughter* And Why do you show off your daughter?**

Hughes: THANK YOU SO MUCH! I need more after that fiasco with Roy last time.

Mustang: I said I was sorry.

Hughes: Uh huh... Anyways, thank you! I show off my little princess because she is my world. She makes me happy and she's the reason why I look forward to life! You want to see her?

**Al: Oh and Al can you teach me your Alchemy l only know Water alchemy?!**

Al: Water alchemy? I'll show you how if you show me how you do water alchemy

Ed: Hey, why isn't she asking me?

Al: Because you can't do alchemy anymore?

Ed: I gave it up for you!

**That's all but l will be back soon XD Stay Awesome all of you!**

Al: Thank you, so much! And thanks for not daring us to do anything... yet. .-.

Ed: Don't give them any ideas. Say, where's the witch? Did she drown in her tears?

Mustang: Hope she did.

Al: Brother, Colonel! That's not nice!

Mustang: She deserves it...

Al: Someone should look for her.

...

...

...

Al: -sighs- Fine. I'll look for her. Anyone want to join me?

May: I'll go!

Winry: I'll go, too.

Ling: Ooo, an adventure! Let's go, Lan Fan!

Lan Fan: Okay.

Ed: Wait, who's gonna host this?

Mustang: DIBS!

Ed: HEY!

Al: Go for it Colonel! Let us know if we got dared to do something!

-Group leaves-

Mustang: Well then, looks like I'm the host. This is gonna be sweet! Here we have an entry from** aida**.

**Here's a dare for ed. ed, i dare you to read this smutty royai fic. *passes him a smutty fanfic***

Mustang: A Royai fic?

Hughes: Ooo so it's about Roy and Lt. Hawkeye?

Ed: What's smutty? -looks over fic- Hm... -reads it- ... What the fuck... -skims through it- It's... a... ew... EWW! WHAT THE FUCK! I DONT WANT THOSE MENTAL IMAGES! EWWW! -throws it aside-

Hawkeye: Edward? Are you okay?

Ed: S-Stay back! I don't know where those hands have been! -sits in a corner-

Hawkeye: ... -looks over fic and reads it. She blushes- What the fuck?

Mustang: Hand it over.

Hawkeye: S-Sir...

Mustang: -skims through it, and his eyes widen- W-Whoa.

Havoc: Read it out loud, chief.

Mustang: -snaps fingers and fic bursts into flames- You guys have some imagination.

-Awkward glances between Mustang and Hawkeye-

Ed: Mental images. Get them out of my head.

Mustang: -ahem- M-Moving on! Here's** Bluefire21**!

**I hope they'll be back because I have truths for them! And a dare or so.**

Mustang: Don't worry, we are back... except Ling left... But Fullmetal and I are here.

**Hughes- (if you can get more Royai and Roy parental pictures I'll recreate the one's of Elycia that the colonel burned!)**

Hughes: I got them kissing :D -hands them to Bluefire21-

**Mustang - Don't worry, I don't think you're useless!**

Mustang: Thanks, darling.

**(unless your wet of course)**

Mustang: ...

Ed: -snickers-

**And I have a few truths for you. 1. Do you or do you not consider the Elrics like sons? 2. When you become Fuher, will you ask the lieutenant to marry you? And no, you may not avoid, skip, or give a false answer to these questions.**

Mustang: Your first question... -looks at Edward, who just snapped out of his traumatized zone- Fine. I feel responsible towards them, but it's not because they are kids. In fact, I was the one who brought them the option to join the military. I gave them that choice, and I know that makes me responsible for their actions. I'm their commanding officer. I won't consider myself a father to them, but in a way... they are like younger brothers to me.

Hughes: Translation: Yes, they are sons to him.

Mustang: Shut up. As for your second question... -looks at Hawkeye and clears his throat- Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye.

Hawkeye: Yes?

Mustang: -leans over and whispers something in her ear-

Hawkeye: -eyes widen- ... I'll think about it.

...

Mustang: ... At least it's not a "no".

Ed: What did you ask her.

Mustang: Nothing. Moving on,

**Ed- I dare you to act nicely towards the colonel for a whole segment, and you can't yell at anyone for calling you short! And as for a truth, how do you truly feel for the colonel? And while I'm at it, what about Winry?**

Ed: ... Fuck my life.

Mustang: Sorry, Fullmetal.

Ed: ... -grumbles- Fine. My true feelings for the Colonel... he's a moron. He's stupid. He's a jerk. He's useless on rainy days, he's a dumbass. He's a bastard.

Mustang: She just dared you to act nicely to me.

Ed: ... -mocks a sweet tone- But I'm suppose to say how I _truly_ feel about you, Colonel. -ahem- ... But I respect his goals. I respect that he accepts responsibility and I'm glad he is doing something about it. He's... -mutters-

Mustang: What is that, Fullmetal? I can't hear you.

Ed: ... I said you're like an ... -mutters-

Mustang: Speak up.

Ed: You're like a parental older brother to me... -grumbles-

Mustang: A handsome older brother?

Ed: Go eat a... -remembers his dare- Just zip it.

Mustang: -smirks in victory-

Ed: I already answered about Winry.

Mustang: Yes he did. Oh, here's a note

**And P.S (for everyone, including the nice author who is not a witch)**

Ed: She _is_ a witch!

Hawkeye: Why do you guys call her a witch?

Ed and Mustang: ... Because, yes.

**I meant Scar from the Lion King, not the FMA one. Even though it was Simba who sang it, I have head cannons! And as for all you FMA people, just look up the Lion King if you don't know what it is!**

Mustang: We watched it, and I liked it... kinda. I liked the monkey.

Ed: Is it that one movie with the lions and singing?

Hughes: It was a fun movie! I must show it to Elysia.

Ed: ... I hate this era's movies. That movie made Al cry.

Mustang: You fell asleep through it.

Ed: Exactly. It was boring.

Mustang: Moving on... here's** Shalcro**!

**LOLZ this is so funny! Okay I have a few questions for you all.**

**Ed: Would you ever date one of your fangirls? (AKA Me) (Sorry I bes a fangirl)**

Ed: ... I don't know you guys. Sorry.

**Olivier: DARE! I dare you to sing Man I Feel Like A Women by Shania Twain! :D**

Olivier: ... What.

Mustang: Do it, General.

Olivier: You have to be fucking kidding me.

Mustang: Come on, we all did the dares. You have to as well.

Olivier: ...

_I'm going out tonight-I'm feelin' alright_  
_Gonna let it all hang out_  
_Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice_

No, I can't do this shit.

Mustang: Come on, General. Show off your wonderous femin-

-Olivier knees him in the stomach... hard-

Mustang: -wheezes in pain-

Hawkeye: ... You had it coming, Colonel.

-Olivier smirks and goes back to sit in her seat-

Mustang: -wheezing- Mo-Moving on...

**Mustang: Nicki Manji or Miley Cyrus?**

Mustang: -Holding his stomach- Wh-What about them? I-I don't kno-ow who Ni-Nicki Manjina is... A-And I think the w-witch mentioned that Miley Cyrus... is not h-h-human.

**Ed: If you were a Pokemon Trainer who would be your starter?**

Ed: ... What's Pokemon?

Mustang: I-It's those little creature t-things that use powers or some sh-shit like that to beat up each other.

Hughes: No it's not! Pokemon are our friends, and we can train them to do battle. We bond with them that way.

Ed: ... Have you been hanging around modern day folk too much?

Hughes: I like this era. It's fun!

Mustang: ... Moving on...

**Al: Here's a cat, be my friend?**

Ed: Al's not here at the moment. -stares at cat- Aw, it's cute.

Hughes: I thought you hated cats.

Ed: I don't mind cats. I just didn't have time for them. -gets cat and places him on his lap-

**Okay that's all the questions I can come up with, plz update soon!**

Mustang: -taking a deep breath- She'll update as soon as she gets back. Speaking of... where is she?

-Ling and Lan Fan return with tacos-

Ling: We couldn't find Miss Cari. -eats tacos-

Mustang: ... Did you just raid her kitchen?

Ling: ... Nope. We found it in a fridge.

Mustang: ... You were suppose to be looking for the witch.

Ling: ... Who?

Mustang: Cari!

Ling: Ooo, right right. I dunno.

Mustang: ... Well then... moving on. Here's... the one who kidnapped us...

Ling: -stays by Lan Fan-

Mustang: -sits by Hawkeye- Here's **justaguest**.

**okay you can have them back.**

Mustang: We're back, thank you very much!

**here are my dares**  
**roy - i dare you to hug ed really tight and stay like that for ten seconds**  
**ed - hug him back while you're at it**

Mustang: ... Get over here, Fullmetal.

Ed: Fuck me...

(RoyEd fangirls rejoice)

Mustang: That sounds wrong.

Ed: I didn't mean THAT way you pervert.

(RoyEd fangirls' hearts burst into two)

Mustang: -hugs Ed-

Ed: -stubbornly hugs him back-

Hughes: -snapshot-

Ling: Ten, nine, eight, seven, six- Oops, lost count!

Ed: Idio- -remembers other dare- Dammit-

Mustang: I swear, I'll burn you all.

Ling: Colonel, be nice to Ed! :D

Mustang: -.-"

Al: -returning- Hey guys, we're back! -notices Ed hugging Mustang- Uh..

Mustang: Don't ask.

Al: ... We couldn't find Cari.

Mustang: -releasing Ed- Well, she couldn't have wandered off.

Al: -sees cat- Ooo! Cat!

Ed: Oh right,** Shalcro** gave him to you and asked to be your friend.

Al: I'll be your friend, Shalcro! Thanks! -hugs cat-

Mustang: You want to take over, Alphonse?

Al: -hugging cat- Your name is going to be Neko!

Mustang: ... Well then... I'll continue. Here's **agarfinkel**

**Here are my dares:**  
**1. Ed- drink an entire gallon of milk**

Ed: ... Why me?

Mustang: Drink the milk, Fullmetal.

Ling: -summons gallon of milk- Come on, Ed! Drink it!

Ed: Fuck you all. -grabs gallon and takes a gulp-

Al: He's actually drinking it.

Ed: -stops and chokes- Ew! Dammit!

Mustang: Drink the entirety of it.

Ed: ... -dumps milk on the floor-

Al: Brother!

Ling: Ew

Hughes: Now that's just rude!

Ed: I'll clean it up! -walks off to look for a mop-

Mustang: That little brat... anyways, moving on:

**2. Buccaneer- call Olivier ugly right in front of her face**

Buccaneer: ... You're ugly, General.

Olivier: That's nice to know.

Havoc: You're not mad?

Olivier: Should I be? It just shows that my subordinates have balls.

-Briggs soldiers smirk with pride-

**3. Olivier- lift a piano in the air with ONLY one hand (even Katherine was able to do this)**

Ed: -returning with a mop- That's physically impossible.

Armstrong: Nothing is physically impossible for the Armstrong family! Lifting pianos with one hand is the talent that has been passed to our youngest sister!

Havoc: ... -remembering that date with Katherine and shudders-

**4. Al- steal Winry's wrench**

Al: ... Well, Winry is not around... -steals one of her wrenches-

* * *

-Somewhere in the studio-

Winry: ... I felt a disturbance...

May: I didn't feel anything.

Winry: No... it's something only I could feel.

May: .-.

* * *

Al: ... Do I keep this?

Ed: I think you do.

Al: ... Okay...

Mustang: ... Moving on. Here's **MistressofSeven77**

**Greetings one and all! I have a dare for Roy and Olivier. **

Mustang: Well, shit

Olivier: I am not trying anything with that scum.

Mustang: ...

**Roy's dare? Dare you to kiss Riza. Oh, and not just any kiss. I mean a deep tongue passionate kiss of romance! **

Mustang: ... You have to be fucking kidding me.

Al: Sorry, Colonel, and Lieutenant.

Mustang: ... Fine! -walks up to Hawkeye- I apologize in advance, Lieutenant.

Hawkeye: At this point I really don't care anymore.

Hughes: You have to care, Hawkeye! We all know there's something between you two!

Mustang and Hawkeye: ...

Ed: Just kiss and get it over with.

Mustang: ... With tongue?

Hughes: The reviewer said, and I quote "a deep tongue passionate kiss of romance"

Mustang: Our reviewers are kind of dramatic... don't you think?

Hawkeye: Just shut up and get it over with.

Mustang: .-. -gives her a "deep tongue passionate kiss of romance"-

Ed: ... -remembers fanfic that he read- Mental images are returning...

Mustang: -pulls away breathlessly- Sorry.

Hawkeye: It's fine, sir. You're not that bad.

Mustang: ... What?

Hawkeye: Moving on:

**Olivier's? Same type of kiss, but anyone she chooses, because I like her better. **

Olivier: Okay. -doesn't get up from her seat-

Mustang: ... Hey! You're suppose to do it as well.

Olivier: -smirks- The reviewer told me to kiss anyone of my choosing. I choose no one.

Mustang: ... What the fuck?

**AND HELLO MISTER PALM TREE! I THINK I SAW YOU OUTSIDE MY WINDOW-OH, I'M SORRY, I WAS MISTAKING YOU FOR THE REAL THING! HAHAHAHA!**

Envy: ... -plotting a way to kill MistressofSeven77 in his head-

Mustang: Well, here we have a new entry from **adalmiina-alexandra**

**You are the most wonderful my queen! *bow down on my knees***

Mustang: Get up, darling. No need to bow to a witch like her.

**And now if I may I have a couple of dares.**

**Roy - Give Edward a big wet kiss... just kidding. :p**

Ed: Wait, what?! Oh... good.

Mustang: What the fuck... that's just wrong. Ew.

**Anyways here are the real dares.**

**Havoc - Don't smoke in 24 hours.**

Havoc: -cigarette in mouth- What?! No!

Mustang: -smirks- Spit it out, Havoc.

Havoc: You guys are fucked up.

Hawkeye: -gets up and snatches cigarette from his mouth- We all have to participate in these dares, and that means you too, Havoc.

Havoc: ... I feel naked now.

**Scar - Tell a joke.**

Scar: A joke? ...

Ed: Come on, Scar. Just say something.

Scar: ... Something.

Ed: ... Close enough.

Mustang: ... Well then...

May: We're back! -rushes into the studio-

Winry: We found out where Cari's at! -holds a note up-

Mustang: Where the hell is she?

Winry: -hands him the note- You're not going to like it...

Mustang: -ahem, and in a mocking high voice- _Dear FMA cast. Pardon the departure, but I realized that the Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug comes out today and I ditched you all to watch it. When I return we will be back to basics. That means no more Truth or Dare next week, guys. Sorry!_

Ed: Thank Truth for that.

Truth: You're welcome.

Mustang: ... What the hell is a Smaug?

Al: Beats me.

* * *

Al: Cari would like to thank the reviewers who help make this possible. Truth or Dare might be an option that would come out again sometime. Thanks for participating!

Mustang: It was torture. Anyways, thanks for coming! Feel free to leave questions for us in the comments.

Al: So are we co-hosts?

Mustang: I guess.

Al: ... I like this job.

Mustang: I do too.

Al: -pets cat- Neko likes this job too.

Neko: -meow-

Translation: Friday the 13th today... so it begins.


	5. Back to Basics

I do not own this franchise. I am just borrowing the characters for my mere amusement. I also don't own any of the pop culture references I tend to make on here.

Warning: There are major spoilers for the 2003 series ahead! If you guys have seen that series, feel free to correct me because it's been years since I've seen that series.

* * *

Al: Welcome back to Just Ask. I am Alphonse Elric, and this is my co-host, Colonel Roy Mustang!

Mustang: ... Wait, what happened to the witch?

Me: ... I'm not in the mood, so I'm letting you two host today.

Al: Oh, okay...

Mustang: Wait, why not? What the fuck happened to you?

Me: ... Smaug happened.

Mustang: Oh right... the reason you ditched us last time... You witch!

Me: Shut it, Mustang. Anyways, sorry for ditching you all. I'll like to thank:** MissiB, Sora Kim, HowsBoutNo, Awesomenessgirl, aida, Bluefire21, Shalcro, justaguest, agarfinkel, MisstressofSeven77**, and **adalmiina-alexandra** for their truth/dares. You guys are awesome and I love you all. Take it away, boys. -grumbles to myself-

Al: It's just a movie, Miss Cari.

Me: Don't you dare say it's just a movie! I've waited ONE YEAR for this!

Mustang: ... -pats my head- It's okay. -ahem- Now here we go with our first set of questions, sent by **Shalcro**!

**Thanks for answering my questions! And Olivier, you have a wonderful singing voice. Here are some more questions for you all!**

**Ed: -Hands Ed a cardboard cut out of Mustang- What are you going to do with it?**

Mustang: Wow, what a handsome fellow.

Ed: ... -walks over to the cardboard cut out and pulls out a sharpie-

Mustang: What are you doing?

Ed: ... -scribbles a mustache on the cut out-

Mustang: ... What the hell?!

Ed: -smirks- There we go.

Mustang: ...

Me: Oh come on, Colonel. You didn't have a problem growing one in the last episode!

Mustang: ... I never grew a mustache.

Me: ... Wait what?

Mustang: I never grew a mustache. What the fuck are you talking about?

Me: Uh... erm... we, the fans, saw the epilogue and on Winry's photo collage, you had appeared to grown a mustache.

Mustang: ... I don't remember such a thing.

Me: ... Wait... then why did you have a mustache?

Winry: I remember there was a picture with Mr. Mustang and Miss Riza at the parade grounds... I don't remember him with a mustache.

Al: Actually I saw the mustache on one of the pictures... It looked as if it was scribbled on...

-Everyone looks at Ed, who is looking away-

Mustang: ... You little brat.

Ed: -whistling-

Al: Oh, Brother.

**Another question for Ed: Would you ever cut your hair short like it was when you were a kid?**

Ed: But I like my long hair. .-. Maybe. It depends if I want to or not.

**Winry: What would happen if you were away from your wrench for a full day?**

Winry: Well... if I don't have an appointment then I could live. I won't be able to keep Ed in line though. Huh... speaking of... where is my wrench?

Al: ... Oh shit. -remembers that he stole her wrench last segment-

**Here's a question for everyone who wants to answer: What would you do if you had time travel?**

Ed: You know what I would do? I would go back and stop ourselves from committing that taboo. You know what else? I would go back and prevent Ishval.

Al: I would do that as well.

Mustang: Same here.

Hughes: Yep.

Hawkeye: I would too.

Ed: There you have it.

**Alright can't wait to see the next session! Keep up the great work!**

Mustang: Thanks for the questions! Now here is** Awesomenessgirl**

**Awwww thanks Guys oh yea Roy l stolen Gloves**

Mustang: What? -checks pockets- You brat! Give them back!

Ed: Stupid careless Colonel.

Mustang: Shut up, Fullmetal.

Me: Boys, behave, or else, the get along shirt comes out.

Both of them: ...

**anyway Al sure l will teach you water Alchemy! **

Al: Yay! And I'll teach you my alchemy!

**Ed this one reason why l hate you *Sits in a corner*l...Don't...have...a..Boyfriend **

Ed: -pats your head-

**Jade: *Sighs* Any way here's the Question **

**Ed: Why didn't you kiss Winry when you were about to leave instead of a hug? (Talking about in the Manga)**

Ed: Because... there were people.

Winry: What's wrong with people?

Ed: I hate people...

Hughes: Wait... so if there weren't people you might have kissed her? :D

Ed: ... Shut up.

**Winry: Can you help me get a guy?**

Winry: I don't really have this knowledge, but if you need help, I can try.

**Roy: Your awesome but your downfall is...Your useless!**

Mustang: ... I want to hate you. Give me back my gloves!

**Riza: How can you put up with Your future husband (Talking about Roy)**

Hawkeye: My what now?

Hughes: Aww already planning a wedding? How adorable! Let's start planning things!

Mustang: Shut up, Hughes.

Hughes: Don't deny it Roy! We all know you asked her to marry you last segment!

Mustang: You have no proof of that.

Hughes: I'll find proof!

Hawkeye: -sighs- He's not bad as he seems. I've dealt with him since we were teenagers, so I'm used to him.

Mustang: What is that suppose to mean?

Hawkeye: You can be difficult, sir.

Mustang: Difficult?

Hawkeye: Can you give him back his gloves?

Mustang: Yes, give them back. Now.

**Al: This is a gift for you *Gives a baby kitten* **

Al: Thank you! -adds kitten to his collection of cats-

Neko: -meow- Translation: Welcome to the army. We will attack the humans soon.

Baby Kitten: -meow- Who do we follow?

Neko: -meow- We follow the witch's cat. The one called "Rayas"

Rayas: -meow- Welcome to the cult. We attack the short one with the blonde braid on Christmas Eve, then we follow with the fire summoner after.

Baby Kitten: -meow- Yes, Master

Al: Aw! They're already making friends!

Rayas: -meow- Soon...

Mustang: Well then.

**Armstrong: *Snapped fingers as she sets him on fire* Iam sorry its just l had to do that any way Armstrong Why do you always take your shirt off?**

-Armstrong's sparkles deflect the flames-

Armstrong: Watch where you use those gloves, young one!

Mustang: That's it! -grabs his gloves back- You damned brat!

Me: Roy, sit down.

Mustang: ... Did you just call me Roy?

Me: Yes I did. Hand the gloves over. Now.

Mustang: ...

Me: HAND THEM OVER!

Hawkeye: Just give them to her.

Mustang: Fine... -hands gloves to me-

Me: -shoves them into my pocket-

**Envy: I respect you! Oh here your gift *Gives Envy a chainsaw* **

Envy: ... Sweet. Thanks, now how the hell does this work?

Me: Envy, give me the chainsaw.

Envy: ... How bout no?

Me: How bout si?

Envy: ... What?

Me: Give it back.

Envy: No!

Me: Envy... hand it over or I'll throw you to the pit of fangirls.

-Screaming fangirls-

Envy: ... You bitch. -hands the chainsaw to me-

Me: -.-" At this point I should just inspect all their weapons...

**Stay Awesome All of you!**

Al: Thanks! Here's** MissiB!**

**You can't tear me apart, Envy. Palm tree's don't have arms! Cheers for doing my dare but you didn't have to kick poor Ed in the gut! Geeze, man! **

Envy: ... I will get you one of these days, human. And that pipsqueak deserved it.

Ed: HE CALLED ME A PIPSQUEAK AGAIN!

Me: Oh for crying out loud. -.-" If you two fight, I'm throwing BOTH of you into the fangirls' pit!

Both of them: ...

**O.k, I have another question, this time for Lust: why do you let Gluttony hang around you all the time?**

Lust: ... I don't know. We're partners and we have our missions together.

Gluttony: Lust is my best friend!

Lust: Yeah, I guess.

**This chapter was SO FUNNY! Poor Ed, he had to suffer so much XD I can't wait for your next instalment. I hope you enjoy the Hobbit!**

Mustang: ... I don't think she enjoyed it...

Me: Oh I enjoyed it. I just have to wait another fucking year to conclude that fucking ending! Gah!

Mustang: -pats my head- It's okay. Moving on, here's **Xavier 17**

**Hello my questions for ed if u were to do anything to the horrible people that call you short what woul****d it be? P.S. your awesome and milk is the most disgusting thing on earth next to envy. :P**

Ed: Thank you, Xavier. And yes, milk is disgusting! At least someone understands!

Al: Brother... -.-"

Ed: Anyways, to all those who called me short. -glares at everyone who had called him short- My revenge gets creative. I have to plan it carefully. -evil smirk-

Al: ... Well, here is **Bluefire21**!

**Adorable chapter…and to my questions!**

**Hughes: Here are your pictures, and while I'm at it, here's a pie. **

Hughes: Yay! -takes pictures and pie- Thank you so much!

**And two pies for the Co-hosts too! (and one for the host as well)**

Me: Pie? Oh, thank you.

Mustang: Thanks, darling!

Al: Ooh, thank you, :D

Ed: I want pie. :(

Al: ... Here, Brother. -offers to his friends- You guys want some?

Ling: YAY! -takes some pie-

Mustang: Lieutenant, want some?

Hawkeye: Sure, thank you.

Mustang: Guys?

Havoc: Sure why not?

Breda: Thanks, Colonel!

Falman: Thank you very much!

Fuery: Thank you!

Hughes: Mmm, this is good. Come on, let us share this pie!

Me: Let's all share... even with the villains.

Gluttony: Yay!

Everyone else: ... -takes pies-

Me: Mmm, thank you, **Bluefire21**! And now her questions!

**Oliver:…Why do you hate the colonel so much? Your relationship with him is rather similar to your one with Alex, but its not the same, so what's your explanation of it? No pie for you until you give a satisfactory answer! And no, I do not care if you don't want my pie.**

Olivier: I don't care either. Also, I dislike Mustang because he is an immature punk who sneaked his way to the top of the ranks.

Mustang: -smirking- I did not sneak my way, General. I earned my way up.

Ed: You got a headstart with becoming a State Alchemist, Colonel. Not to mention you were promoted because you recruited me.

Mustang: Shut up, Fullmetal.

Olivier: I rest my case.

Me: Well then, let us continue!

Al: Miss Cari, you seem a little more cheerful.

Me: I like pie. Anyways, you two can keep hosting for now. I need sugar to feel alive again.

Mustang: ... Okay. Let us continue! Here is **agarfinkel**

**Comments:**  
**1. When Buccaneer called Olivier ugly, I was hoping she would brutally beat him up**

Olivier: I'm not like that.

Me: You had no problem kneeing Mustang in the gut.

Olivier: When someone has the opportunity to hurt him, they will take it.

Mustang: ... Is that true?

Ed: Very.

-Several soldiers agree-

Mustang: What did I ever do to you guys!?

Ed: ... -takes out list-

Mustang: Please don't answer that.

**2. When Al stole Winry's wrench, I was hoping she would return and clobber him up**

Me: Oh shit.

Al: -pales-

Winry: Al did what now?!

Al: Winry, I'm sorry! I was dared to!

Winry: Give it back!

Al: Oh, r-right! -hands wrench back-

Winry: Thank you... -hits him hard-

Ed: AL!

Al: OW!

Winry: You should have given it back!

Al: I'm sorry! I thought you were going to kill me!

Winry: I AM NOW!

Al: I JUST GOT MY BODY BACK!

Me: Don't hurt poor Al... hit Ed instead.

Ed: WHAT!

Mustang: ... Moving on!

**Anyway, here are some more truths:**

**1. Olivier- why is it that you have respect for Hawkeye and Havoc, but not for Mustang (you said this in the tunnel underneath Briggs)**

Olivier: I admire their abilities as soldiers. They are well disciplined when it comes to combat. I've seen them first hand whenever we have the joint exercises. Also, I respect Hawkeye for having patience with that punk. I already answered why I dislike him.

Mustang: I'm not immature. -grumbles to himself-

**2. Greed- did you think of any of your subordinates (the ones that Bradley killed) as more than just your possession?**

Ling: They were more than that. They were his friends, basically his family.

Greed: Shut up! Who said you can answer for me?!

Ling: Oh come on, Greed. We shared a body, I know exactly what you wanted.

Greed: ... Shut up.

**3. Mustang- how did you get adopted by Madame Christmas?**

Mustang: She's my aunt.

Madame Christmas: He was such a brat growing up. Spoiled little punk.

Mustang: -clears throat-

Ed: -smirks- Madame, please tell us stories.

Mustang: No!

Madame Christmas: -smirks-

Al: ... Well, here we have **Maxwell**!

**Hi, I have a question for Ed, Winry, palm tree/Envy, and Mustang**

**Ed: who do you hate more, Mustang or Honimhime?**

Ed: I don't hate them. Well, now I know why Hohenheim left, and I'm glad we were able to stop Father. He's still a bastard though. Mustang, while he is an annoying bastard, he gave me the opportunity to get my body back, and he is honestly a good guy trying to fix his mistakes. I don't hate them.

Me: Then who do you dislike more?

Ed: ... Hm... good question...Who do I dislike more...? Hm...

Al: Well... while he is thinking about it... let's move on!

**Winry: what is up with you always hitting Ed with a wrench!?**

Winry: He asks for it.

Me: I'm surprised he's not dead.

**Palm tree/Envy: which anime did you like more?**

Envy: Hm... what did I do in the 2003 series?

Me: ... _**Spoiler alerts for those who did not see the 2003 series!**_ You are much of an asshole there, and you killed Ed.

Envy: Cool!

Ed: HEY WHAT!

Pride: Wait, he killed one of our sacrifices?

Me: There were no sacrifices in this show. It's... erm... well, it's hard to explain since it's been years since I've seen the 2003 anime. But yeah, you killed Ed, and you turned into a dragon in the movie. Also, you're the son of Hohenheim, who was a two timing bastard in this show.

Ed: What?!

Hohenheim: What? I only had one love.

Me: Not according to the 2003 anime. Also, homunculi were different in this version. They were made as a result of human transmutation.

Ed: Wait... human transmuation... does that mean...?

Me: Yeah... -ahem- Your mother was a homunculus.

Izumi: So... each result...?

Me: Yeah... so was your son... Envy was Hohenheim and the main antagonist's son who died of mercury poisoning and he tried to bring him back. Also, Hohenheim stole bodies.

Hohenheim: What...?

Me: Sorry, Papa Hoho.

Hohenheim: Did you just...?

Me: Yeah... Ahem, anyways, Envy, you were Ed and Al's half brother, and you killed him. Also, Al was the philosopher's stone. Ed was resurrected by Al, and in return he sacrificed himself to bring back Al.

Ed: What! I would never do that! I would never leave Al alone!

Me: Yeah... Well the stories were different, and so were the characters. Anyways you got sent to our world... in Germany. It gets complicated... in the movie... let's just say shit happens and you get stuck in this world with Al.

Everyone: ...

Envy: ... I like the other me better. At least I killed the pipsqueak.

Me: I like you better in this version. You got what you deserved. Vengeance for Hughes!

Ed: Actually, we stopped Mustang from burning him.

Me: Oh right... but still, he was avenged... sort of!

Mustang: How was he avenged in the other series?

Me: You killed King Bradley.

Bradley: What?

Mustang: Huh... cool.

Me: Speaking of...

**Mustang: why did you have an eye patch in conqueror of shamballa? Its a Nice patch by the way, though it should have covered your mouth, too.**

Me: Oooo burn!

Ed: Ha! -high fives Maxwell-

Mustang: Fuck you all. Wait, eyepatch?!

Me: Yeah... you got shot in the 2003 series. In the face. By a soldier named Archer. Who was half metal. Like the terminator.

Mustang: Wait... I got shot!? What the hell?!

Me: Also, you were a depressed baby during the movie because Ed was gone.

Mustang: ... What?!

Me: Yeah... I wanted to see a confident kick ass who busted his ass searching for a way to bring back Ed. That would be the Roy I know and love.

Mustang: You love me?

Me: You're my favorite male character.

Mustang: Huh... doesn't seem like it.

Me: Well you're an easy target, Roy-boy.

Mustang: Did you just...?

Me: I just did.

Mustang: ... What happened to this half metal dude anyways?

Me: Archer got shot by Hawkeye. I guess she got help for you as you laid in a pool of your own blood. -smirks as I remember that scene-

Mustang: ... Why are you smiling like that?

Me: Hawkeye, darling, you really care so much about the colonel. We only see this side when you believe he is dead.

Hawkeye: I cried, didn't I?

Me: I would have too.

Hughes: Aww! It's meant to be!

Hawkeye: -annoyed- Lt. Colonel Hughes...

Hughes: That is Brigadier General, Lieutenant!

Mustang: ... I got shot in the face... Hawkeye cried for me...

Me: -smirks- Heh heh... what he told her as he was recovering...

Mustang: What?

Me: Oh, nothing nothing. -thinks to myself- All of the ship feels...

Mustang: ... So... either way, my eyes are fucked up in both series?

Me: Yep.

Mustang: Fuck my life.

Me: Moving on... here's **aida**!

**i saw Smaug too! I really liked it! **

Me: I did too... just... I don't want to wait! -pouts-

**Also, how many cohosts do you guys have? **

Me: For the moment, it's me, Al and Mustang. It's gonna be like that unless something happens to us.

**Okay, ed, do you miss your alchemy? **

Ed: I do, but I gave it up for something better.

Al: Thanks, Brother.

Ed: You're welcome.

**Roy: would you name your son maes?**

Mustang: I don't plan on having kids.

Me: If you happened to have kids, would you name your son, Maes?

Hughes: :D

Mustang: ... No.

Hughes: Why not? D:

Mustang: Well, let's say I did have a son. I would not name him after Hughes because I don't want my kid to feel as if he would have to live up to that name. However, I would give Maes a middle name for him.

Hughes: Aw, thanks, Roy! Now... let's get you a son. First you need a woman... -smirks at Hawkeye-

Hawkeye: No.

Hughes: Come on! -pouts-

Al: Moving on, here is **Not so human**!

**Many questions for many peoples.**  
**Ed, what do you think of you and Ling as a couple?Especially when Greed was inside of Ling? I personally don't like it.**

Ed: What! I'm not gay, especially for that idiot prince!

Ling: Whoa, I love Ed and all, but not that way!

Me: ... -pouts because I kinda like that pairing-

**Ling and Greed, the same question.**

Greed: What we think of Ed/Ling?

Ling: I already answered. Ed is like a brother to me, nothing more.

Greed: You won't see this nice body anywhere with that kid.

Me: ... Huh... Greed doesn't want someone...

Greed: Shut it, bitch.

**Heinkel, Darius was it strange having to travel with a hormonal teenager?**

Heinkel: Not really. We've seen stranger.

Darius: Though he was an annoying brat.

Ed: You guys love me.

Both: You're an annoying brat.

Greed: I agree. I don't know why I hired you anyways.

Ed: You hired me?

Greed: Yeah. You offered to work for me!

Ed: I don't remember such a thing.

Me: Oh, Ed... -sighs-

**Al, was it weird for you to wake up when you finally had your body back only to find that you were naked in front of the entire military? Also was it weird when you realized that you were fully developed? And do you love May?**

Al: Wow, so many questions. It was kind of embarrassing, but I'm glad I had my body back. And... -blushes- I really like May.

May: -blushes- Oh...

Ed: Do you love her, Al?

Me: Do you love Winry, Ed?

Ed: Who said you can get into this, you witch!?

Me: -sighs-

**Scar, I found a fanfic of you and Al as a couple. What do you think of that?**

Al: What?!

Scar: ... That's just disturbing.

**Ed, the same thing.**

Ed: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS!

**I love you all.**

Me: Love you too. :) Moving on, here is** revix!**

**This isent really a truth or dare just a gift thing for Christmas**  
**Ed: his alchemy**

Ed: Who are you and how did you give this back to me?! Are you Truth?!

Truth: I'm right here.

Ed: Oh.. hi...

**Al: a fluffy kitty**

Al: THANK YOU! -adds kitty to his new collection-

Rayas: -meow- Welcome aboard. Let us talk about our mission -leads kitten into the darkness-

**Winry: a new wrench so she can hit Ed XD**

Winry: Oh, thank you. At least I won't lose anymore wrenches.

Ed: ARE YOU TRYING TO MURDER ME!?

**Riza: a golden gun**

Hawkeye: Oh, thank you.

Me: Hey, Lieutenant, Winry hits Ed with her wrench to get him in line. Do you think you can hit the Colonel with that new golden gun of yours?

Mustang: So much for me being your favorite male character -.-"

Me: But Roy-boy, you are my favorite male character x3

Mustang: ... Stop calling me that. It's creeping me out.

Me: Would you, Lieutenant?

Hawkeye: I'm trying to keep him alive, Cari.

Me: I know, I know...

Hawkeye: He doesn't need me hitting him with a gun either way.

Me: True, true.

Mustang: I'm still here.

Me: Hi.

**Envy: a mankind that when you stab it the gushes out ketchup**

Envy: What the fuck?

Me: Don't worry. We'll have Ed clean it up.

Ed: WHAT!

Me: I know that you spilled milk last time!

Ed: ... No I didn't.

Me: Mustang told me so.

Ed: You snitch!

Mustang: -whistles-

**Roy: I TOLD YOU A FIST IN HIS FACE!**

Mustang: ... Well, I don't even celebrate Christmas! -looks away-

Me: Aw, it's okay Roy-boy. You'll get something soon.

Mustang: There you go again... Moving on... here's **adalmiina-alexandra**

**Hi! Um.. So.. here are my (very dull) questions.**

**May - Who are the three people that you admire the most, and why?**

May: I admire Alphonse the most because I loved his determination to get his body back, and his determination to get save everyone.

Al: Thanks, May

May: I also admire Mister Scar because despite all that he has been through and the bad things he did, he still moved forward, and it helped save this country.

Scar: ... I just wanted to do what was right.

May: And... I admire Edward. He is a selfless person who put everyone else before himself. He sacrificed his greatest ability for his brother. That takes courage.

Ed: Wow... thanks...

May: But he's still a runt.

Ed: What did you call me, bean girl!?

May: You heard me.

Me: -face palm-

**Edward - If you had one wish what would it be?**

Ed: Be taller than Roy Mustang.

Mustang: That is why it's only going to remain a dream, kid.

**Roy - What is the one thing you like and one thing you don't like about yourself?**

Mustang: I don't like many things about myself. I did very terrible things. I honestly don't even know what I like about myself... well, there's my good looks. And charisma.

Ed: And there he goes... the man's in love with himself.

Mustang: Not really. Here's** justaguest**!

**questions for roy and ed:**  
**Why do you guys call the queen a witch?**

Ed and Mustang: Because she is a witch!

Me: .-.

Ed: How the hell do you think she brought us here?

Me: I have my ways.

Mustang: See?! Witch!

Me: -.-"

**two, what do you think of the pairing royed?**

Mustang: ... What?!

Ed: Please don't tell me... No. No no no!

Me: Yeah... it's what you think it is.

Ed: No! NO! NO NO!

Mustang: What the fuck!?

**hughes, al, riza, and winry: what do you guys think of royed? **

Al: ... I think it's... um... no, I can't... what?

Winry: I'm sure Ed has NO feelings of that kind towards the Colonel.

Ed: NO! NO! NO! NO!

Hawkeye: ... If the Colonel even touches Edward in that matter-

Mustang: I never will!

Hughes: You better not, Roy.

Hawkeye: I will shoot you, sir. He's a minor.

Mustang: Don't worry, Hawkeye. I won't do anything of that sort to him.

Ed: NO! NO! NO! No!

Me: You broke him. -mutters- Wonder how Ed and Envy would react to Edvy. And how would Ed and Al react to Elricest...

**ling: do you miss having greed as a partner? what do you guys think of the greedling pairing?**

Ling: I miss Greed. And he was a good person to work with.

Greed: I kind of miss you too, idiot prince.

Ling: HEY!

Greed: I like the nickname. And... that pairing... um...

Ling: It's kind of weird. I don't see Greed that way.

Greed: Yeah, me neither.

**lan fan: what do you think of the greedling pairing?**

Lan Fan: I don't know how that would be possible...

Me: You guys should read all the fanfiction on here. Trust me, authors always find a way.

Everyone: ...

Ling: ... How _did_ we end up here?

Me: Like I said, we all find a way.

Ed: She's a witch!

Me: -.-"

Me: Well, that is it for the session. Now, if you would excuse me, I have finals to attend to! Thanks for coming folks!

Ed: Finals?

Me: College finals... .-. Good luck to any college students who are taking finals! If you already had your finals... um... hope you did well!

* * *

Announcement: New Challenge for new Segment! This idea came to me while playing this game with my relatives. The new segment is going to be rounds of "Would you rather?" Here are the guidelines.

You ask the characters any questions. Like asking character x "Would you rather get your ass kicked by 50 men or eat a poisoned sandwich?" I really want to try this with the FMA cast. Anyways, feel free to ask your questions! See you guys then!


	6. Would You Rather?

Disclaimer: I do not own this franchise. I am just borrowing the characters for my mere amusement.

Mustang: The witch also doesn't own any of the pop culture references she tends to make on here. Okay, where's my paycheck?

Me: -.-" -hands him a check- Here, go buy Riza an engagement ring.

Mustang: ... Shut up.

* * *

Hi guys, and welcome to Just Ask! I'm your hostess, Queen Cari, and these are my lovely co hosts, Alphonse Elric and Roy Mustang!

Al: Hi!

Mustang: Hey eve- Wait, lovely?

Me: Yes. I believe you two are two lovely guys.

Al: Um... thank you.

Mustang: ... You're weird.

Me: Thanks. Anyways, hello everyone and welcome to a special edition of Just Ask. Here we have added "would you rather" scenarios along with our usual asking. Oh, and new rules, since I know a lot of you won't answer. -looks at Ed and Mustang-

Mustang: ... What?

Me: Anyways, rules. Cast members, you have to answer, or else you will be thrown into... -dramatic pause- the pit... OF FANGIRLS!

-Pit full of screaming fangirls appear-

Fangirl #1: WE LOVVE YOU EDDD!

Fangirl # 2: MARRRYYY MEE ROY!

Fangirl # 3: HAVE MY BABIES ENVY!

Everyone: ...

Me: :D

Ed: You're evil! You truly are a witch!

Me: Well there you have it. So let's get this rolling people!

Mustang: Here we have our first guest, **MissiB**!

**Oh, I'm counting on it, babe ;)**

Mustang: I think our lovely reviewer has a thing for Envy.

**Well, thanks for that insight, Lust! Now, I have a question for all the homunculi except the two I'm about to name: Who do you guys think would win in a fight, Envy or Pride?**

Lust: Pride.

Gluttony: Pride

Wrath: Pride

Sloth: ... Pride... -sleeps-

Greed: Definitely Pride.

Envy: ...

Pride: Fuck yeah I'll kick his ass.

**and before I forget (again) Ed, Palm Tree, what're your thoughts on the EdVy pairing? *Hides behind bullet-proof glass* **

Envy: What the fuck is Edvy?

Me: ... Um... you better sit down. Al, hold your brother.

Al: Why?

Ed: What is going on?

Me: Hold him back. While I'm at it, Homunculi, hold back Envy.

Envy: No! Don't tell me!

Ed: WHAT THE HELL!?

Me: Yeah... that's Edvy.

Al: WHAT!

Envy: HELL NO!

Ed: WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

**This was yet another chapter that made me laugh out loud, though I'm sorry to hear your film ended on a cliffhanger :( I hate it when that happens it's so annoying! Good luck with your finals! I look forward to your next update!**

Me: Eh, it was still a good film. Thanks, MissiB! x3 Now moving on, here is** ms. cheerful! **

**Envy-would you rather be called a transgender homunculus or a palm tree for the rest of your life?**

Envy: ... Either way, both results will end the same. A dead human.

Me: Pick one, Envy! Or else... -points at the pit-

Envy: ... transgender homunculus. It's less annoying of the two.

**Ed-would you rather eat at an all-you-can-eat buffet with gluttony or play tag with Pride's scary shadows.**

Ed: Well... Gluttony would be distracted with all that food. I just got my arm back, thank you very much.

**Ed-Would you rather drink a gallon of milk or be Mustang's servant for a week?**

Ed: ... I hate you.

Mustang: Pick one, Fullmetal.

Ed: ... You'd be insane if you think I'll be _your_ servant for a week. I'd rather drink gallon of milk. I did last time.

Mustang: You spit it out.

Ed: Shut up.

**Mustang-Woud you rather live a week without gloves or let Hughes in your offices and tlk about his daughter?**

Mustang: I need those gloves. I'd probably let Hughes in my office and talk about his daughter. He does it either way.

Hughes: You love me though.

Mustang: Sure.

Me: ... -remembers that I still have Mustang's gloves- Mmhmm...

**Mustang-would you rather propose to Riza (right now) or go on a date?**

Mustang: ... Am I going on a date with her?

Me: They never specified.

Mustang: I can't answer until I get a specific answer.

Me: Colonel...

Mustang: Fine. I'd rather go on a date with Hawkeye than propose to her right now. It would be more proper that way.

Me: Bu-But you two have known each other for a long time... You two are already married! Might as well make it official so I can die in peace! -cries-

Mustang: Fangirls. -.-" Moving on, here's** NurdBurger**

**I have a question for my baby, Envy. **

Envy: I'm not your baby.

**Well, a few questions. And a request/demand/threat.**

Me: Whoa.

**First question: What do you think of Edvy (Ed and Envy)?**

Ed and Envy: NO!

**Second question: How would you react if I said that you were not a typical palm tree, but the kind with spiky leaves that prick you? And that you are the most attractive anime character ever and I want to marry you?**

Envy: I knew this was a cuter model. And no, I won't marry you, you human scum.

**Third question: are you a boy, girl, or are you transgendered? Or do you not have a gender? Do you need to check?**

Envy: I don't need a gender. I can be whatever I want.

Me: ... Mental images.

Envy: Shut up, you bitch.

**Request/demand/threat: Marry me. If you don't, I will reduce you into your powerless form and stick you in a cage. You will be my pet. So, either that, or marriage. See ya, my sweet Envy! 3**

Envy: ... Marriage ends with death due us part right?

Al: Well, that's one way to end a marriage. Here's **Xavier 17**!

**For envy would ur rather read a ton of ed/vy lemon fan fix or have your eyes burnt out by the incredible usless colonel. **

Mustang: -.-"

Envy: I'd rather have my eyes burned out. Either way, the pain is the same.

**P.S. Srry Ed and Roy u do kinda suck and ur incredible annoying.**

Ed: I want to hate you... but I agree with the last part.

Mustang: Do I look like I give a fuck? Next up is **Shalcro**!

**Thanks ONCE again for answering my questions! Lets see here, Would you rather? -Smirks- ...hehehhe**

Ed: This can't be good.

**Edward (Stupid question I know): Would you rather drink 400 gallons of milk or get called short 400 times?**

Ed: ... Get called short. They already do anyways.

Mustang: Hell's freezing over!

Ed: It's would I rather, you bastard!

Me: ... At this point I should get the glue and get along shirt out...

**Mustang: Would you rather sleep with Scar or Envy? :D**

Me: -laughs out loud- Oh my God!

Mustang: ... What kind of thoughts are you guys having?!

Me: -laughing- Crack!pairings, oh my God! xD

Mustang: ... Shut it, you witch.

Me: Pick one, dammit!

Mustang: ... I hate you all.

Me: Love you too, Colonel. Now pick one.

Mustang: ... I volunteer to have myself thrown into the pit of fangirls.

...

...

...

Me: Mustang's taking one for the team guys!

Ed: Oh shit!

Al: Are you serious, Colonel?!

Mustang: Yep. I knew I'll die this way.

Me: Security!

-Security appears-

Me: Throw the Colonel into the pit of cats.

Mustang: WHAT!?

Ed: HA!

Al: Oooh, cats!

Mustang: NO! Wait, what?! -is dragged off-

Me: ... Feel free to make sure the cats don't kill him, Lieutenant.

Hawkeye: -follows-

Ed: You never said anything about the pit of cats!

Me: That's because I just thought of it.

Al: I want cats... Well, moving on!

**Hughes: What do you like more, Royai or Edwin? (P.S. Edwin is Edward X Winry. You already know what Royai is.)**

Hughes: Wait... Roy and Hawkeye... or Edward and Winry... Dammit! WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME!?

Al: You broke him.

Hughes: THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! NOOO!

Me: He ships them both.

Hughes: Can I pick them both? Because Roy and Hawkeye are obviously meant for each other and Edward and Winry are just so adorable. Please? Please? Please?!

Me: ... Well... since you're choosing both, I guess I'll let it pass.

Hughes: THANK YOU!

Ed: Wait, what?!

Me: You can't choose neither. I never said anything about choosing both.

Ed: You witch. -.-"

Me: -shrugs-

**Envy: Would you rather jump into that pit of fangirls, or be forced to makeout with a human? **

Envy: What's the point? I'll get the same result.

Me: Pick one.

Envy: ... I'd rather jump into that pit of fangirls and murder them all.

...

...

...

Me: -ahem- Okay. -thinks to myself- Those fangirls are immortal though...

**Oh and Cari, **

Me: Aw shit.

**I heard what you said about Elricest and Edvy SOOOOOO**

Me: Oh boy.

Ed: Elricest?

Me: Erm...

**Ed and Envy: Thoughts of Edvy?**

Ed and Envy: NO!

**Al and Ed: Thoughts of Elricest?**

Al: What is... that?

Me: -sighs- It's the romantic pairing... between Alphonse and... -clears throat- Edward...

Ed: WHAT THE HELL!?

Al: WHAT!

Hughes: NOW_ that's_ just wrong.

Me: Erm... lots of people find it... cute and hot.

Winry: That's just... no, that's way more disturbing than Ed and Colonel Mustang.

Me: Yeah...

Ed: Why do I get the worst pairings?!

Me: You want to hear more of your pairings? -gets list-

Ed: NO!

**Alright that's all I have for now! See you all next session... OH! And Cari good luck on your Finals! Bye!**

Me: Thank you so much! :D Here's **KonohaKame01**

**Winry, would you rather do 7 minute's in heaven with Edward or kiss him for 7 minutes In front of every one.**  
**Total Edwin Shipper.**

Winry: 7 minutes in heaven... that closet game?

Me: Yeah.

Winry: Yeah, I'd rather do that.

Ed: Huh...

Me: -smirks-

Ed: Why are you smiling like that?

Winry: -blushes- No, not that way!

Me: -laughs hard-

Winry: Cari! -blushes-

Ed: Wait, what?!

Al: Cari, you pervert.

Me: Shut up! I can't help it!

Ed: Something's wrong with you.

Me: -laughs more-

**P.S. For when the segment is over, Madam Christmas, can you tell us 3 embarrassing stories about Roy's past? - KonohaKame01**

Ed: YES!

Hughes: Yay!

Madame Christmas: Sure if there is time and if the hostess allows it.

Me: Of course! Speaking of... where is Mustang? Huh... SECURITY!

-Security appears-

Me: Did you get the Colonel out of the pit?

Security: Yes, my Queen. He is being escorted back by his subordinate.

Me: Thank you.

-Hawkeye leads Mustang back. Mustang is covered in bloody scratches-

Mustang: ... I hate you.

Me: Love you too, Colonel. Here's **aida**!

**Ed, would you rather be hugged by envy or roy?**

Ed: ... Colonel Bastard.

Mustang: -who is being bandaged by Hawkeye- Wait, what?!

Me: Aww...

Ed: Would I rather, you witch! I'm not going to do it!

Me: ... Hmm...

Mustang: She has her thinking cap on. This can't be good.

Al: You guys keep giving her ideas. Well, moving on... here's Kay!

**Hey, it's Kay! :) I really like this segments of yours! They're really funny.**

Me: Thank you :]

**Al: Would you rather read Elricest, Edvy, or Royed? :3 Sorry, I wanted to see what Al thought of this.**

Al: I'll be disturbed with all of them.

Me: Pick one.

Al: ... Can I go to the pit of cats?

Me: ... That wouldn't be a puni-

Mustang: No, Alphonse! It's torture! Look at this! -shows off his scratches-

Me: ... Ew...

Al: ... That's... oh my...

Me: ... Still want to go, Al?

Al: That doesn't look good...

Me: Throw him in!

Ed: AL!

-Security takes Al-

Al: Waiitttt! No! -is dragged away-

Me: Poor Al.

Ed: YOU WITCH! -runs off after Al-

Me: Anyways... back to our regular scheduled program!

**Winry: Same question.**

Winry: ... What?

Me: Just answer.

Winry: ... Ahem. Royed.

Mustang: WHAT!

Winry: It's the less disturbing of the three.

**Riza: Would you rather read a smutty Royed or a smutty RoyMaes?**

Mustang: There is RoyMaes too?!

Hughes: Whoa! I love Roy, but not THAT way!

Mustang: He's my best friend, more like a brother to me. Also, he's married!

Hughes: Happily! And Roy has Lt. Hawkeye!

Mustang: And I hav- Wait, what!

Hughes: We're completely straight... unless... Is that why Roy won't confess?!

Mustang: Hughes, I'm straight.

Hughes: Are you, Roy?!

Mustang: -.-"

**I just wanted to see what you guys thought of that.**

Hawkeye: I just got disturbing images. But I'd rather read RoyMaes.

Hughes: WHAT!

Mustang: Wait, WHAT!

Hawkeye: -shrugs- It's the less disturbing of the two.

**Note for the authoress: I love you so much! You have a good timing when it comes to updating, and I hope you do well in your finals. **

Me: Thank you so much! I really appreciate it!

**Also, I'm wondering, why do you torture poor Ed and Roy a lot? If Roy is your favorite male character, who's your favorite female character, and overall character?**

Me: Ed and the Colonel are really easy targets. And I love them both. Mustang is my favorite male character, and my favorite female character is my favorite overall character.

Hughes: Who?

Me: Riza Hawkeye.

Hawkeye: Oh... really?

Me: Yep. You're really awesome and amazing. x3 I love you.

Hawkeye: Thank you.

Mustang: Well, there goes that mystery.

-Ed returns-

Me: ... Well, well. Where's your brother?

Ed: -smirks- Outsmarted you.

Me: ... What?

Ed: -points away- Check that out.

-Al returns with the cats following him-

Al: They're so sweet!

Me: ... What?!

Mustang: They are _not_ sweet!

Al: Colonel, you were fighting back against them.

Mustang: THEY WERE ATTACKING ME!

Al: But they are sweethearts.

Cats: -Meowing and purring-

Al: Go on, go and play!

-Cats leave back into the pit-

Me: Well then... Here's **Theultimatenerd43**

**Okay! Here are questions:**

**Dear Tucker, -stabs in the chest- I forgot what I was asking.**

Tucker: -dies-

Me: ... Clean up on the front!

Ed: ... I got it. -gets mop-

Me: Thank you, darling. I should pay that kid... with Mustang's paycheck.

Mustang: Hey!

**Al, do you like your body's look better in Brotherhood or the 2003 series?**

Al: Brotherhood. Miss Cari said I'm the right age here.

Me: Yeah, but your body was all frail... and ew.

Al: Well... true. But I get better through the months, and... well... Ed and I are with our family in the end.

Me: ... Aw...

**Ed and Al, what do you think of the pairing Elricest? (Elricest is shipping Ed and Al)**

Ed and Al: No.

**Ed and Envy, what do you think of the pairing Edvy? (Edvy is shipping Ed and Envy)**

Ed: At this point I should just shoot myself.

**Everyone else, what do you think of the pairings above?**

Mustang: I question the sanity of the fans at this point.

Everyone else: Same.

**Sheska, do you think you should've had a bigger role in Brotherhood? Do you like your role better in Brotherhood or the 2003 series?**

Sheska: Erm... how was my role in the 2003 series?

Me: :D I loved you in the 2003 series. Okay, you and Winry become really close.

Winry: Ooh.

Me: You two bond over your admiration of Hughes.

Hughes: Aw!

Me: When he is unfortunately killed, you two go all out to investigate his murder. You guys find out about one of the homunculus that way. It was fun. I loved the friendship between you two.

Sheska: Aw, that would've been nice to experience!

Me: It would have. x3

**Al, here's my cat! Her name is Emma! Will you go out with me?**

Al: Oo, a cat! -takes cat- Hi, Emma! You pretty girl! You should meet all the other cats. -leads Emma to Rayas- Emma, this is Cari's cat, Rayas. Rayas, this is Emma.

Emma: -meow-

Rayas: -meow- Welcome aboard, young one. Come with me. -leads Emma into the darkness-

Me: Rayas is being strangely friendly.

Mustang: Too friendly... -eyes Rayas suspiciously-

**Ed, Al, and Winry, Let's have a snowball fight!**

Al and Winry: Yay!

Me: -singing- _Do you want to build a snowman...? _

Ed: Shut up! Don't even start with that song!

Me: ... Is it because it made you cry?

Ed: No, it's annoying.

Me: -ahem-

_The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a footprint to be seen._

_An kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm the Queen_

_The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside_

_Couldn't keep it in, Heaven knows I've tried_

Ed: She's singing again. Make her stop.

Me: But I like that song D:

**Now here are the would you rather questions:**

**Ed, would you rather kiss Roy or Envy? YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE ONE.**

Ed: I hate you.

Me: Choose!

Ed: Can I just throw myself in the pit of fangirls?

Me: ... Fine. Security!

-Security appears and drags Ed off-

**Al, would you rather stay in the suit of armor forever (this also means you will be immortal and outlive everyone) or die?**

Al: Die. I don't want to be alone forever. Miss Cari, can I go make sure my brother isn't killed...?

Me: Go for it.

Al: Thanks! -runs off-

**Sheska, do you think you should've had a bigger role in Brotherhood? Do you like your role better in Brotherhood or the 2003 series?**

Sheska: Now that Miss Cari explained to me my role, I would have liked to experience it.

**Roy, would you rather date Hawkeye or date Ed? (We all know the answer)**

Mustang: -sarcastic tone- Gee, would I rather date a kid half my age who is such a brat or a lovely woman who I care about with all my heart.

Me: Aw.

Mustang; Shut it, you witch.

Hawkeye: Colonel...

Mustang: At this point I don't care, Lieutenant. I've kissed you twice... once with tongue!

Me: That was hot.

Mustang: Shut up.

**Hawkeye, would you rather switch lives with Winry or Mei?**

Hawkeye: Hmm... I'm used to my life now. But I would like to see both of their lives. I'd like to see how automail works and see why Winry likes it. It was her automail that gave Edward the ability to advance towards his goal.

Winry: -blushes-

Hawkeye: Also, I would like to see how May works with her alkahestry... Since it did save me...

May: -blushes-

Hawkeye: Both of them have different worlds and it would be nice to experience them.

Me: ... It would. A lot of you guys have interesting lives.

**Mei, would you rather have Xing hit with an atomic bomb and destroyed or have the government in Xing to crash?**

May: Both are horrible scenarios! Well, I'd rather have the government in Xing to crash, since we can fix it up. I don't want many people to die.

**Ling, would you rather share a body with Greed forever or share a body with Cari forever?**

Ling: ... Miss Cari, are you a homunculus?

Me: No, Ling.

Ling: Greed then.

Greed: Whatever.

**Cari, would you rather be forced to write an incredibly cheesy Mary-Sue fic, or be the Mary-Sue?**

Me: Hm... Mary-Sues are immortal and are either related to the canon characters or romantically involved. Not to mention perfect... Hm... ew. I'd rather write one. -thinks to myself- Hm...

-Al returns with Ed, who is missing his shirt and is covered in lipstick and finger nail scratches-

Everyone: ...

Ed: ...

Al: He doesn't want to talk about it.

Me: ... Next questions for you, Al.

Al: Oh, thanks!

**Dear Al, This isn't a would you rather question. Here is my cat named Time! He is full grown but still looks like a kitten and he's so sweet! :3 Also, the offer still stands. We could go out for coffee.**

Al: Hi, Time! -pets cat- And I'll think about it...

May: ...

Al: .-. -leads Time to other cats- Meet Cari's cat, Rayas!

Time: -meow-

Rayas: -meow- Welcome aboard. Let's have a talk. -leads Time into the darkness-

Al: Aw, I want more cats!

Me: ... Al is going to be a cat lady when he's older.

Al: Probably. Here is **Not so human**!

**I ask the weirdest questions.**  
**First, you guys know about the cats, right? If not then forget I said anything.**

Rayas: -returns and gives you a death glare-

Mustang: ... -stares suspiciously at Rayas-

**Ed, would you rather be with an abusive Envy or Al who's madly in love with you?**

Ed: You're right, that is a weird question. Not to mention disturbing.

Me: Answer.

Ed: ...

Me: Do you want to go back to the pit of fangirls?

Ed: ... Security!

-Security appears-

Ed: Send me into the pit.

Security: ... Do I?

Me: Yes, please.

-Security grabs Ed and begins to drag him away-

Me: -whispers in his ear- Throw him into the pit of cats.

-Security drags Ed away, and Al follows him-

**Roy, would you rather get with Izumi or Hughes? By the way, I accidently stumbled across something like that once. Very disturbing.**

Mustang: Izumi and Hughes are married. Very happily. Now... would I rather get killed or satisfy billions of um... what's the word again, Cari?

Me: Which one?

Mustang: The term for male romance. Gay couples, you know, it starts with a Y...?

Me: Yaoi?

Mustang: There we go. Satisfy a bunch of yaoi fangirls... Hm... I value my life, thank you very much. And Hughes is a brother to me...

Me: Pit of fangirls?

Mustang: Yes please.

Me: Security! Throw him back into the pit of cats.

Mustang: Fuck you! -is dragged away-

Hawkeye: He was just bandaged. -gets up-

Me: Wait, Lieutenant, question's for you!

**Riza, would you rather watch Roy die or be tortured?**

Hawkeye: Those are two scenarios I don't want to see.

Me: ... -smirks- They never defined what kind of torture...

Hawkeye: ... Cari... something's wrong with you.

Me: Sorry...

Hawkeye: I'd rather watch him die. His pain won't last than being tortured. By watching him die I can know who is responsible for it and take them out myself.

Me: ... Interesting. You can go after your Colonel now.

Hawkeye: Thank you. -walks off-

**Al, would you rather kill a bunch of cats trying to take over the world *snickers* or let them kill Ed and Roy?**

Me: Al and Ed are missing at the moment.

-Ed returns all scratched up-

Ed: I HATE YOU!

Me: -shrugs- Sorry. Say, where is your brother?

Ed: ... Over there. -points at Al, who is playing with the cats-

Me: ... Well then. Wait... where's Mustang?

Mustang: -returning with Hawkeye- I hate you.

Me: Did you get scratched up again?

Mustang: Those cats... it's like your cat controls them!

Me: ... -looks at Rayas, who is snuggling with Al- ... Aw. She's so sweet.

Mustang: She is _not_ sweet!

**Ed, would you rather get with Roy or be killed by Envy. You know, like being stabbed in the cgest or something.**

Ed: Rather get killed.

Me: You poor unfortunate soul. Here's **highway country 1994**

**Ed would you rather get killed by Envy or Mustang**

Ed: ... Killed by Mustang.

Mustang: I'd never kill you, kid.

Ed: Exactly.

Al: -returning with Rayas- Your cat is so sweet, Miss Cari.

Me: Isn't she?

Mustang: -gives Rayas a suspicious look-

** next Al would you rather drink punch out of a fat sweaty women's belly button or eat a old steak on the sidewalk,**

Al: Ew! Um... steak.

Ed: Ew, Al!

Al: It's "Would you rather"! I wouldn't do it in real life.

**and winery... hears a new wrench to hit Ed with merry Christmas;}**

Winry: Thank you!

Ed: You all want me dead, don't you?

Me: Probably. Next up is **agarfinkel**!

**1. Havoc: Would you rather go on a date with Olivier or with Katherine?**

Havoc: Katherine. I want to live.

Breda: Too bad she turned you down.

Havoc: Shut up!

**2. Lust: Would you rather have an afro or be an airheaded ditz? (This was from the chibi omake theater skits. One had Lust acting all airheaded and revealing information about herself and the homunculus, while another had Lust getting an afro after being burned by Mustang)**

Me: HA! _Those_ omakes.

Lust: Afro. I remember the Colonel opening his wound afterwards. Made him an easier target to kill then.

Al: Good thing it was an omake...

**3. Isaac- would you rather have King Bradley cut you down or shred through your clothes? (also from the chibi omake theater skits)**

Isaac: ... Rather have Bradley cut me down.

**4. Hughes- would your rather be crushed by a giant hammer or be sent flying by powerful punch? (I'm referring to two other characters voiced by Hughes' English voice actor, Sonny Strait: Usopp from One Piece, and Apachai from Kenichi the Mightiest Disciple)**

Hughes: Sent flying. I think I'd live that way.

Me: Aha I remember Kenichi the Mightiest Disciple... Huh... Next up it's** justaguest**!

**hughes would you rather watch roy burn all your family pictures or live without meeting gracia? **

Hughes: That's just horrible! I can't imagine living without my wife and my daughter! ... Yeah, Roy can burn my pictures. I have copies for a reason!

Mustang: That is why I never burn his pictures.

Hughes: YOU BURNED MY ELYSIA PICTURES LAST TIME!

Mustang: I remember no such thing.

Hughes: YOU'RE EVIL, ROY!

Mustang: Love you too, Hughes.

**i hope you did well on your finals, my queen!**

Me: Thank you, my dear :D Here's **poisoned lama**!

**Hya peoples! And Truth, quick question for Roy Ed and All**

**Ed, why is it that you grew taller in brotherhood but not in the 2003 anime?**

Ed: ... I DIDN'T GROW?!

Me: -snickers- Well to be fair, Winry never hooked you up with lighter automail like she did in Brotherhood. That kind of helped you grow. I think you grew in the movie though...

Ed: I didn't grow... I didn't grow?!

Me: ...

**Mustang, what would you rather do, jump off a cliff or face father blind**

Mustang: ... Hm... I've faced Father blind before...

Ed: But you weren't alone.

Mustang: You're right. But none of us could defeat him alone.

Father: You humans stood no chance alone.

Ed: We still kicked your ass.

Mustang: ... Yeah, I'll face him again, as long as I have Hawkeye by my side.

Me: They never said you couldn't.

Mustang: There we go.

**And lastly Al, JUST HOW MANY ANIMAL'S COULD YOU HIDE IN YOUR OLD ARMOR!?**

Al: ... Erm...

Ed: ... Al?

Al: Enough to cover that pit... -points at pit of cats-

Ed: Dammit, Al!

Al: Um... here's **bad wolf**!

**AHHH! EVIL PALM TREE! oh wait...that's just Envy...never mind!**

Envy: You're next on my list!

Me: You have quite the fans.

**Truth, do you think that pride might have stolen your type of power? I mean come on your ability's Are so much alike its scary.**

Truth: -shrugs- He probably did.

Pride: I was created with these abilities.

**Winry, why do you only throw wrenches at Ed? Why not screwdrivers or other tools? (Sorry Ed)**

Ed: DONT GIVE HER IDEAS!

Winry: The wrench is the heaviest of my tools that won't kill him.

Me: ... That is a big ass wrench though...

**And finishing off with Nina (she is allowed to get questions right?)**

Me: Yes she is.

**Why didn't you run when you realized you were a chimera!?**

Nina: I... I was scared... And it hurt...

...

Ed: ... -gets up and hugs her tight-

...

...

...

...

Me: ... -grabs Hawkeye's gun and shoots Tucker's already dead body- Sorry, Lieutenant.

Hawkeye: It's fine.

Mustang: ... Moving on... here's** adalmiina-alexandra**

**Winry - Would you rather be a topless all the time or be a pantless all the time?**

Winry: Hm... pantless.

Everyone: What?!

Ed: YOU ACTUALLY ANSWERED?!

Winry: -shrugs- I can always wear dresses.

Everyone: ...

Me: Nice save.

**Edward - Would you rather drink a glass of year-old milk or lick the toilet clean?**

Ed: Both are disgusting... but... -sighs- milk.

Mustang: Ew...

Ed: Shut up, bastard.

**Envy - Would you rather shave your hair and eyebrows or color them pink?**

Envy: ... I'd rather turn into the shrimp and color them pink.

Ed: WHAT!

Envy: Better yet... turn into the Colonel and shave his uneven hair and his eyebrows.

Mustang: HEY! My hair is just fine, thank you very much.

Me: ... -snickers- His hair is uneven. -laughs-

Mustang: Shut up, you witch.

**Alphonse - Would you rather stub your toe or get a papercut?**

Al: Papercut. Pain lasts less.

Me: Cons of having a normal body.

Al: I know, but still... we worked hard to get here.

Me: Well, I guess that is all the questions for today. Tha-

Ed: WAIT!

Me: What?!

Ed: How much time do we have?

Me: Um... a little more. Why?

Ed: The Madame was going to tell us a story, remember?

Me: Oh yeah!

Madame Christmas: -smirks- I'll tell you about Roy-boy's first trasmutation.

Mustang: WHAT?! I don't remember agreeing to this!

Me: Shut it, Roy-boy. Go on, Madame.

Mustang: Why me?

Madame Christmas: When he was young, he wanted to make some figurines for my girls. He said that the perfect man had to treat a woman like a queen.

Ed: Did he think he was going to be a perfect man by giving them gifts?

Mustang: I was young, okay!

Ed: Ah, so this _did_ happen?

Madame Christmas: He destroyed my floor in the process. And he couldn't fix it. I had to hire someone to fix it for me.

Mustang: I said I was sorry!

Madame Christmas: You still owe me money for fixing that floor, young man. Not to mention you owe me another bar, like you said you were.

Mustang: I haven't had the time, Madame.

Madame Christmas: You had the time to look for a hairclip for that lovely woman of yours.

Mustang: Madame..

Hawkeye: Huh?

Ed: Someone has a crush...

Mustang: You mean how you have a crush on your mechanic.

Ed: ... -blushes- Shut up! At least I had the guts to tell her!

Mustang: By using alchemic terms?!

Me: There they go again... -hides face in hands- We must continue this Mustang baby story next time... when these two are restrained...

Thanks for coming folks! Next segment is back to basics! Hope to see you all then!

* * *

Me: -singing like a moron- _  
_

_Let it go, let it go  
When I'll rise like the break of dawn  
Let it go, let it go  
That perfect girl is gone  
Here I stand in the light of day  
Let the storm rage on,  
The cold never bothered me anyway  
_

Mustang: What the fuck are you singing?

Me: ... Don't judge me! Hmm... Theultimatenerd43 gave me an idea. Hey, Roy, should I write a Sue!fic? :D

Mustang: What the hell is a Sue!fic?

Me: Erm... it's a... erm... interesting fic.

Mustang: ... Well it's up to you. As long as it doesn't involve me doing weird things.

Me: ... Fine. -smirks deviously-


	7. More Questions!

Disclaimer: I do not own this franchise. I am just borrowing the characters for my mere amusement.

Al: Cari also doesn't own any of the pop culture references she tends to make on here.

Mustang: Not to mention any of the songs she tends to sing and annoy Fullmetal with.

Me: Thank you guys! -hands them candy canes-

* * *

Me: -singing like a moron-

_All you people can't you see, can't you see_

_How your love is affecting our reality?_

_Every time we're down you can make it right_

_And that makes you larger than life! _

Al: Miss Cari, the segment's on.

Me: Oh, thanks Al! Hello folks and welcome to Just Ask! I'm your hostess, Queen Cari and these are my co-hosts, Alphonse Elric and Roy Mustang!

Mustang: 'Ello.

Al: Hello everyone! Welcome aboard!

Me: Today I'm such in a jolly mood! It's almost Christmas!

Al: You must really like this holiday.

Me: I do! It's amazing! Eep! Unfortunately for you, my dear reviewers, I am leaving to Mexico on Dec 27, and won't come back until Jan 5. So... no update... unless there's wifi where I'm going -.-" Anyways, I'm gonna have a Christmas party for the cast next segment! It will be posted before I leave :D

Al: Don't make promises you can't keep.

Me: I try not to, but this I can make it! Anyways, let's get this show on a roll! Mustang, my dear?

Mustang: What?

Me: Would you do the honors?

Mustang: Gladly. Here we have our first entry from **Theultimatenerd43**

Me: OTP 5ever! x3 (Inside Joke)

Everyone else: ?

**-chanting- Write the Sue fic! Write the Sue fic! Write the Sue fic!**

Me: Derp.

Mustang: She's writing it. I saw her writing it down. She said she was going to let me read it first.

Me: Shh!

**Anyways, to my questions.**  
**Al, I am a HUGE Al fangirl obviously. There's a ship among my friends called Helenphonse (Which is HelenaxAlphonse, as my name is Helena). What do you think of this? Do you want to go out with me?**

Al: I don't know you... sorry Helena...

Ling: Besides, he's betrothed to my sister!

May: Wait, what?!

Al: I don't remember this!

Ling: Oh, dear Alphonse, I arranged it! Also, Ed gave me his blessing!

Al: Brother!

Ed: -whistles-

**Ed, I feel really bad for you. Sometimes I think, "What if I'm the main character in a book? Wouldn't there be a fandom?" Then I imagine what they would ship and I stop thinking once my brain goes past my crush, and I hit my head on the wall.**

Ed: ... I don't want to know who I'm shipped with.

Me: ... Everyone. You've been shipped with everyone.

Ed: .. Wait... everyone?

Me: Everyone

Ed: Even Truth?

Me: Especially Truth.

(EdxTruth OTP5eva!)

**Cari, have you ever had the same thought that I mentioned above?**

Me: My friends and I actually joke about that. We said our life would be like an anime. We're that one anime that has that one guy in the group that is shipped with everyone. Our guy in the group is that guy. :D (Hi Jake!)

**Mustang: HEY LOOK IT'S BIN LADEN!**

Mustang: Who?

**-pours bucket of water on his head- Lol Laden's dead**

Mustang: -dripping wet- You bitch!

Ed: Nice! -Gives you a high five-

**Ed, I'm sowwy that I made you go in the pit of cats T.T Friendship hug of apology?**

Ed: ... Well... you did dip water over the Colonel's head... -awkward hug-

**Riza, What was your dad's view on guns?**

Hawkeye: Who do you think gave me my first gun?

Me: I wish my dad gave me a gun...

**Mustang, you've seen Hawkeye's back, so obviously you've seen her...**

Mustang: Don't even go there.

**-smirks- Miss Cari knows what I'm talking about and she's fangirling. Hard.**

Me: ... Must be strong. Must be strong.

Hawkeye: She's doing it again.

Mustang: I'd say we knock her out, now-

-Rayas enters the studio and sits on my lap-

Mustang: ... -stares at Rayas- But, it's her segment... let her fangirl... -mutters- For now.

**All hot characters, -kisses- ... -proceeds to fangirl-**

Ed: ... SHE KISSED ME!

Al: WHAT?

Ling: .-.

Mustang: WHAT?!

Hawkeye: Um...

Winry: Uhh...

Greed: Not bad, darling.

Me: Okay... I'm a fangirl myself... and... Never mind... moving on, here's** PalindromePen**!

**Frozen! I love that movie!**

Me: Yay! PS, readers, I recommend you guys to watch that movie and prepare for those feels!

Ed: -.-"

**Okay, here's a question for Roy and Ed: have either of you thought of each other,**

Ed and Mustang: No

**at any time at all, even briefly or a passing thought,**

Ed and Mustang: No

**as being in a father-son relationship? You guys have to answer truthfully.**

Ed and Mustang: Oh...

Ed: ... I thought we already answered this. He's like a parental older brother to me.

Mustang: We established a handsome parental older brother, and you are the little brother I never had. And Alphonse is my younger brother who is just so nice and I really respect him.

Al: Thank you, Colonel.

Ed: ..._ Little_ brother?

Mustang: -smirks-

**Another question for Roy and also Riza: have you ever had a serious fight? In the military or before it? **

Hawkeye: The Colonel has.

Mustang: Hey!

Hawkeye: -shrugs- The Madame was going to tell the story either way.

Me: Noted!

Mustang: -.-" Well... Hawkeye beat the shit out of a recruit.

Hawkeye: He asked for a fight, and I accepted. He should learn not to disrespect fellow officers.

Me: Hot damn.

**Also for Ed and Al: what do you guys think about Riza Hawkeye? I mean, Ed did tell her about Winry and the deal with Scar; there obviously is a lot of trust between her and the brothers.**

Al: Lieutenant Hawkeye is a really amazing woman. I respect her a lot.

Ed: I respect Lieutenant Hawkeye a lot as well. I respect her as a soldier and as a human being. I guess you can say how the Colonel is like a parental older brother, she is like a parental older sister to us.

Al: Also, Brother had a crush on her.

Ed: Shut up, you did too!

Al: Hey!

Hughes: Aw, that's adorable.

Havoc: So our little chief had a crush on our lovely queen?

Ed: SHUT UP! -blushes-

Winry: Come on, Ed, we all can see you blushing.

Al: She is really pretty... and nice, and smart. And really amazing.

Ed: Fine! Fine! I did have a small crush on her. But Al did too!

Al: -blushing- Y-Yeah I did.

Hawkeye: -smiles in amusement-

Mustang: You two are dorks.

Ed: Shut up! At least I admit I had a crush on her!

Mustang: ...

Al: Here's **Not So Human**!

**I reaaly like this. Its amusing. Especially torturing Ed with the fanfics.**

Ed: ...

**Oh Ed. You have no idea how bad the fanfics are. The worst I've found was fem EdxScar. What do you two think of that?**

Scar: Again... disturbing.

Ed: ... FemEd?

Me: Yeah, some authors turn you into a girl for their fics.

Ed: WHAT! I'M A GUY! I HAVE A DI-

Me: TMI! TMI!

**Also, Ed did know that in the 2003 anime there was this ass named Frank Archer. He looked like he wanted to rape you. Roy what do you think of that?**

Ed: What?!

Mustang: That's the same asshole who shot me!

Me: Yep.

Mustang: I'm glad Hawkeye took him out.

Me: I am as well -throws candy canes at Hawkeye- Four for you, Hawkeye! You go, Hawkeye!

Hawkeye: -catches candy canes- Oh, thank you.

Me: And none for Edward Elric.

Ed: HEY!

**Lust, would you ever sleep with one of the other homunculi? They are your siblings after all.**

Lust: ... Please don't tell me fans write that.

Me: Lots of them write you with Envy and Greed.

Envy: WHAT

Greed: Well, she is hot.

Envy: What's wrong with you?!

Greed: Hey, I'm Greed!

Lust: ... First of all, they're my siblings. And second of all, Greed is a traitor.

Me: Aw, sibling love.

Lust: Shut up, you bitch.

Me: xP

**Al, *sighs and hands him a cat* this is mine. You can have him. He doesn't do much. I named him Edward because his fur and eyes are gold.**

Al: Oh, thank you! He does look like Brother...

Me: Ed, they make some stories where you turn into a cat.

Ed: Why do I get tortured in fanfiction?

Me: Because you are the main character!

**Now the question, in other world the other you is often paired with Ed. What do you think of that?**

Al: Other me?

Me: Oh right... remember when I said Ed was sent to another world in the 2003 series? Well, in that world, there were parallels of you guys roaming around. There was a Rose, a Gracia, a Hughes, and an Al running around. -mutters- But Hughes was a Nazi.

Hughes: A what?

Me: Nothing. Also, so, the other you, his name is Alfons Heirich. And he is often paired up a lot with Ed.

Ed: ... But... he's my brother's parallel... what the hell?!

Me: Yeah... not related to you though.

Ed: Does he look like Al?

Me: A lot... well, minus the fact that Heirich has blue eyes.

Ed: ... I agree with Mustang. I question the sanity of the fans.

**Thanks and Ed I'm sorry I ask you the messed up questions. Speaking of messed up questions. Would you date Roy if you were a chick?**

Ed: ... I hate you all. And NO! The Colonel's too old.

Mustang: I am not old! I'm 29!

Ed: That's still old to me.

Mustang: Shut up.

Me: That's it! -takes out superglue- BEHAVE!

Both of them: ...

Al: .-. Here's **funnybia**!

**Hi I'm new here (although I don't have an acount yet, cause it's late at night and I'm too lazy to make one). I'll admit that I was skeptical about whether or not this fanfic series would be good, but wow, it's amazing and hilarious, you really are the queen, guess Hawkeye and Olivier have some competition as far as that title goes.**

Me: Nah, they are their own queens x3 And thank you very much! I feel loved!

Ed: She's a Witch Queen.

Mustang: More like a Bitch Queen.

Me: Shut it, Roy-boy.

**My favorite male and female characters are also Roy and Riza and as for second place it would have to be Al and Olivier so my questions go out to them:**  
**Roy: 1. You do realize that you don't need your gloves any more, you just need a lighter and your clap alchemy. Seriously you can figure out the cat thing and not this?**

Rayas: -narrows her eyes at Mustang-

Mustang: ... What cat thing? I just don't like her cat. Geez. ... And also, shut up! I'm just used to my gloves, okay...

Me: I never noticed that... Oh my God!

Mustang: Shut up, you witch.

Rayas: ... -gets off my lap and pads over to Neko- Change of plans. We're taking out the fire summoner first.

**2. Have you ever considered transmuting Hawkeye a wedding ring and inscribing something in it? Think about it.**

Mustang: Why do the questions regarding me and Hawkeye end up questioning about our relationship?

Me: Because you are a lot of people's OTP5ever.

Mustang: ... OTP5ever?

**Hawkeye: 1. Can I call you Riza?**

Hawkeye: I guess... everyone else does... except for the military personnel and Cari over there.

Me: Hi.

Ed: Why don't you call her "Riza"?

Me: I don't know, why don't _you_ call her Riza?!

Ed: Because I'm in the military and so is she, and I find it respectful!

Me: I'm just used to calling her Hawkeye. I don't know why. Same with Mustang.

Mustang: You just called me Roy-boy not that long ago!

Me: Cause it's fun.

**2. How many guns do you have on you right now? (that includes the golden one you got as a gift)**

Hawkeye: Enough.

Mustang: You guys don't want to know.

Me: ... Gifts... Hm...

**Alphonse: Here's a water gun. For precaution... **

Al: .-. Um, thank you.

Me: ... Hm... perfect!

Ed: She's got her thinking cap on again.

Me: I just thought of something... but let's keep going.

**1. What would you do if Mei said she didn't like cats?**

Al: I really won't mind it. Everyone can have their own opinion.

May: I love cats though. I just don't like it when people mistaken Xiao Mei for a cat.

Mustang: ... -thinks to himself- _Is that panda in league with the cats...?_

**2. How terrified where you when King Bradley stabbed you (both times)?**

Al: Very... those two times I had someone inside of me. -stops- I still feel bad for not saving Martel.

Martel: Kid, there was nothing you could do to stop me.

Al: ... -sighs- I was really scared for May.

May: I was too. A sword went over my head!

Mustang: Is that why you two were freaked out?

Ed and Al: Yes.

**Olivier: 1. What do YOU think of royai?**

Olivier: I find it insane that people would pair up Hawkeye with Mustang. She can do way better than that punk.

Mustang: Are you suggesting I'm not good enough for her?

Olivier: Took you a while to realize that? -smirks- Then again, it took you a long time to realize you don't need your gloves anymore as well.

Mustang: ... -mutters to himself-

Me: -realizing- Wait... you want to be good enough for her?

Mustang: ... Shut up.

**2. What is your opinion on Izumi Curtis?**

Olivier: -smirks- She was an interesting woman. It was a pleasure to meet a woman who could take down Briggs soldiers signal handily. She is a great comrade.

Izumi: Thank you, General.

Ed: ... The two strongest and scariest women being comrades in arms... Not bad.

**That's all for now, there are so many more questions I wamt to ask, but I think I'll leave them for later.**

Me: Thank you so much! Hopefully we hear from you soon! Here we have **Shalcro**!

**Okay I'm back. At this pint I'm going to stop thanking you guys because if you don't answer my questions you'll get thrown into the pit of fangirls soooo... yeah... ON TO THE QUESTIONS!**

Mustang: Do we still have that?

-pit of fangirls is heard-

Me: Yup.

**Mustang: Would you ever give up your job to be with Riza? See with all the laws against relationships and stuff like that... **

**Riza: Same question but with Mustang.**

Mustang and Hawkeye: No.

Me: Bu-But... But... you two are meant to be... -cries-

Mustang: I have a goal to reach.

Hawkeye: I promised that I would help him reach that goal.

Me: All I want is for them to be together! -cries-

Hawkeye: -pats my shoulder-

Mustang: -sighs- Fangirls. -.-"

**Ed: Do you like Milk Chocolate even though it has milk in it?**

Ed: I like some things that has milk in it. I just hate milk... the drink!

**Another for Ed: Have you ever heard of those flavored Milks? Like Strawberry Milk, Banana Milk, Chocolate Milk, and I think I've seen blueberry milk to or something like that. So would you ever try one of these flavored milks? I have some Strawberry Milk here if you would like to try it. -Holds out bottle of Strawberry Milk-**

Ed: No, I don't want milk! I don't care if it's flavored!

Al: I'll take it! -takes Strawberry milk-

**Ed AGAIN: How did you learn to cheat at poker? (P.S. If you don't remember this it's because it was from the 2003 anime)**

Ed: ... I don't cheat at poker. -looks sideways-

Havoc: YOU CHEATED!?

Ed: NO!

Havoc: I LOST MY PAYCHECK BECAUSE OF THAT GAME!

Mustang: You guys played poker without me?

Breda: Didn't want to see you lose to the chief, Colonel.

Mustang: What makes you think I would lose to him!?

Me: You guys should have a poker match at the Christmas party.

**Ed, Alphonse, and Mustang: Who was your first crush?**

Ed and Al: ... Winry.

Winry: They used to fight over me.

Mustang: How cute.

Ed: And yours, Colonel!?

Mustang: Huh? I had lots of crushes growing up. I don't remember-

Madame Christmas: He admired lots of women growing up. But the one he couldn't stop talking about was that lovely Hawkeye woman.

Mustang: ... Madame...

Ed: I love your aunt.

**Anyways that's all I have for this time. Keep being funny guys!**

Al: Thank you so much! Here is** Bluefire21**!

**Okay, so one, Ed, (in reference to chapter 5) you can not say that the colonel is in love with himself when he tried to commit suicide in the 2003 series. You can thank Hughes for saving him! **

Ed: ... What?!

Mustang: ... Well...

Ed: How many attempts, Colonel?!

Mustang: ... I admit I had a few attempts in Ishval, but I set a goal to keep going.

Me: ... You poor guy.

Mustang: I thank Hughes, though, because he helped me out during the war. I thank my team as well, because they are helping me on my path to reach it. Thank you all.

Me: ... This is why you're my favorite...

**And quick question, if you had to be stuck for one month in a shack up in the mountains with no human contact, would you rather have Breda or Mustang with you? (as for why Breda, because he's been ignored this entire story!)**

Ed: I'd rather hang with Breda. At least he won't drive me insane.

Breda: Thanks, Fullmetal.

Ed: You're welcome.

**And quick note to the author, I hope you did well on your finals, and thank you for not sending the colonel to the fangirl pit…the miniskirts would tear him to shreds and I don't even want to think about what they'd do to the body!**

Me: Thank you so much! Also, see, Colonel?! I told you the cats were safer.

Mustang: ... -shows off his still healing scratches- See this?! You were worried what those fangirls would do to me? Look at what the cats did to me!

Ed: ... You don't want to know what those girls are capable of...

Me: Oh right... Ed got thrown in there... next up is **MissiB**!

***comes out from behind bullet-proof glass* Pride? Really? In my head it's always Envy that wins (don't ask why) and Edward, Palm Tree, I hope I didn't traumatise you too badly but that was FUNNY!**

Envy: Go fuck yourself.

**O.k, another question...AHA! Truth (if I can talk to it) do you ever get bored in that white abyss of yours?**

Truth: Why do you think I'm here?

Ed: Because you were forced here?

Me: Actually, I asked Truth if it wanted to join.

Ed: WHAT?!

Me: I can't kidnap Truth! It's Truth!

Ed: Wait, kidnap-

Me: -clamps my hand over his mouth- Let the Truth answer! Go ahead Truth. -struggles with Ed-

Truth: I decided to come and see what this young lady is capable of. So far I am amused.

Me: Thank you. -lets Ed go-

Ed: ...

Mustang: Well, I feel cheated. Here's **Dani**.

**I got a question for Riza **  
**Riza, do you have any romantic interest in the same sex? becuase no woman could resist the sexyness of Roy mustang.**

Ed: -snorts-

Mustang: What?**  
**

Hawkeye: No, I don't have any interest in the same sex. And anyone can have different preferences, you know.

Me: ... -points at the main women of this show- Exhibit A! Wait, does that mean you have no interest in Mustang?

Hawkeye: -raises her eyebrow at me-

Me: ... -sighs-

-Team Mustang is handing some bills to Falman-

Me: You guys actually betted whether she was a lesbian or not?!

Fuery: No... it was more whether someone would ask if she was a lesbian.

Breda: Pay up, Colonel.

Ed: The Colonel was involved in this too?!

Mustang: I didn't think anyone had the balls to ask that... -reluctantly gives up his money-

Me: .-. Remind me to allow gambling for the Christmas party, Al.

Al: Noted. Here's **jackie**!

**Okay, questions: **  
**Al, did you ever hook up with May in the end?**

Ling: They are now betrothed to each other. We are going to plan this wedding!

Al: -blushes and sighs-

Ed: I better be your best man, Al.

Al: Shut up, Brother.

**Scar, do you still have feels of hatred towards Amestrians?**

Scar: Part of me would never forgive them for what they have done. However, we have to move forward and I'm glad Mustang and his team are going to do what they can to fix Ishval.

**Envy, who would you be paired up with on the show?**

Envy: No one. I don't care for relationships.

**Speaking of Envy and pairings, the other day I read a fanfic in which Roy was focusing way too much on his goal and Riza dumped him for Envy. o_o**

Mustang: ... What?!

Hawkeye: ... What did you read?

Me: ... Well then.

**Also, I read another one where Envy was the main character instead of Edward and he hooked with Winry. o_o**

Winry: Wait, I don't even know that thing.

Ed: What the fuck...?

**Point is, Roy, Ed, Riza, and Winry, what do you think of those fics?**

Hawkeye: What in your right mind makes you think I'd ever involve myself with the homunculus that started the war, not to mention killed Maes Hughes?

Mustang: ... You fangirls... what the hell. Next up we have... erm... **evil little cats**.

**run, for alchemy's sake run. Mostly Ed and Roy, or just hide, or just stay away from the cats...especially on Christmas eve**

Ed: ... Oh, trust me, I'm staying far away from those cats. They're vicious!

Al: But they're so sweet.

Me: My baby is a sweetheart, thank you very much! -calls for Rayas- Come here, baby girl.

Rayas: -meows and jumps on my lap-

Mustang: -eyes Rayas suspiciously- She does seem sweet. -thinks to himself- _So Christmas Eve, hu_h?

**And quick question for Ed, did you lose your sanity after you found out that the thing that you thought was your mom? The whole 'covenently awaken telipathinc powers! Elric brother telepathy!' Didn't help**

Al: Elric brother telepathy?

Ed: ... Don't know what the reviewer is talking about-

Ling: He tried to communicate with you with a piece of your armored hand when we were swallowed by Gluttony.

Al: ... What?

Ed: I tried, okay! I was desperate!

Ling: Yeah... I questioned your sanity as well.

Ed: My sanity?! You're the one who passed out right after that!

Ling: I was hungry! And you fed me your boot!

Ed: Because there was nothing to eat!

Ling: I'm still going to write that story of how the alchemist fed the Emperor a boot.

Ed: Oh shut up, idiot prince!

Me: ... I need to restrain those two as well. Here's **agarfinkel**!

**1. May- when you first came to Amestris, why didn't you have any bodyguards with you like Ling did? Weren't you worried about being attacked and killed?**

May: ... My clan is one of the poorest clans in Xing. We can't afford guards. However, I did not guards at all. I was fine with the help of my martial arts and alkahestry. Not to mention I wasn't alone. I havd Xiao Mei with me.

Xiao Mei: -squeaky growl-

Mustang: ... That's a cute panda... -thinks to himself- Better keep an eye on that thing.

**2. Lan Fan- how did you and you grandfather end up being chosen to guard Ling when he went to Amestris?**

Lan Fan: We are his most trusted bodyguards. He asked for us personally.

Ling: And I couldn't ask for anyone else :D

**3. Maria Ross- what did you do while you were in Xing? Also, did you ever run into Armstrong's family (his father, mother, and youngest sister) while you were there?**

Maria: Xing was very beautiful. There was many colors around and the scenery was great. No, I did not run into the Armstrong family. All that reminded me of the Armstrongs were statues I found... and meeting with Armstrong and Edward at Xerxes.

Armstrong: We were just happy you were alive!

**4. King Bradley- when Mrs. Bradley slapped you when you first met, how is it you did not give into your rage and kill her? (I remember you mentioning that, during Hughes' funeral, you were trying to restrain your rage when Elycia was crying our for her father)**

Bradley: ... The human had guts. It only made me want to choose her more.

Me: I ship them... hard...

Here we have **Nurdburger**!

**I have a few more things to tell Envy.**

Envy: Well shit.

**Envy, I am not a human. I'm a homunculus called Spite. Spite is a formof jealousy, as I'm sure you're aware of. So, it kind of hurts when you call me "human scum". Don't ask who created me, by the way. I have no idea. I have a few more things to tell Envy.**

**Now, rethink those answers to the questions.**

Me: Oh, you're one of _those_ homunculi...

Envy: So... Father did not create, erm, "Spite"?

Me: Nope.

Ed: ... So other people can create homunculi? Aw, shit.

Me: Unless they used the form from the 2003 series and attempted human transmutation...

Ed: That doesn't make it any better.

Me: True... aw shit.

Envy: ... My answers are still no.

Me: ... Well then...

* * *

Thanks for coming, folks! Next segment will be posted on Christmas Eve and it will be a Christmas party! Yay! For the next segment, because I'm in such a gift giving mood, feel free to leave presents for the cast! I will try to update before I leave, so stay tuned! I love you all!

Mustang: I am interested to try out this Christmas holiday.

Al: I can't wait to spend time with everyone!

Me: Same here, Al. -hands him and Mustang candy canes-


	8. Christmas Party

Disclaimer: I do not own this franchise. I am just borrowing the characters for my mere amusement.

Mustang: The witch doesn't own any of the pop culture references she tends to make on here.

Al: She does not own any song that is mentioned or sang on here.

Mustang: And she does not own Christmas either.

Me: Thanks guys! -tosses them candy canes- Enjoy the segment! :D

* * *

Mustang: All right men! Listen up! We have an order of 300 tamelies-

Breda: Tamales.

Mustang: ... However the fuck you say it, and we need them done now! So let's move! Havoc, Breda, man the kitchen! Fuery, I need those Christmas lights moving!

Falman: -running in- Sir, we received the bottles of champagne that you ordered.

Mustang: Good work, sent them to the kitchen! Let's get this moving! Go, Go Go!

Hawkeye: You seem excited.

Mustang: I just want to eat and get drunk.

Hawkeye: Drunk?

Mustang: It's Christmas, come on.

Hawkeye: -rolls her eyes-

Mustang: -.-" Where's Alphonse and Fullmetal?

Hawkeye: They're setting up the Christmas tree with Elysia and Winry.

Mustang: All right then. Time to report to the witch.

* * *

**_At the studio_**

Elysia: The star goes on the top!

Ed: I got it, I got it! Hold me up, Al!

Al: Okay. -holds ladder-

Ed: -climbs it and tries to put the star on the tree-

Winry: If you were tall enough you wouldn't need a ladder.

Ed: SHUT UP!

Winry: Told you we should have gotten Mr. Armstrong or Mr. Sig to do it.

Ed: Well they are setting up the eating area! Besides, the witch made Mustang the leader for some reason and he forced us to decorate the tree.

Winry: You volunteered!

Ed: ... Shut up. -almost falls- Gah! Al!

Al: Stop moving, Brother!

-I enter carrying lots of bags-

Me: Edward, you're gonna fall.

Ed: -on stairs- No I'm not! Why does the star go on top?

Me: Because, yes! Come on, Christmas is about spending time with those you love.

Ed: I'm gonna spend this holiday with people I hate too.

Me: Oh, don't be a Scrooge!

Ed: A what?

Winry: A Scrooge. You know, old cranky man who hated Christmas?

Elysia: He says bah-humbug!

Ed: I must have fallen asleep during that story.

Al: You fall asleep with every story.

Winry: You need help, Cari?

Me: Yes, please. Put these presents under the tree.

-Winry and Elysia take the presents and put them under the tree-

Ed: -placing star on the top- There we go. -jumps off the ladder- Did you get me anything?

Me: Only if you got me something.

Ed: Actually, I did.

Me: Really? .-.

Ed: Just wait until later.

Me: Okay...

-Mustang and Hawkeye come in-

Me: Oh, -hides mistletoe- Hello, guys! All set?

Mustang: The tamelies-

Me: Tamales.

Mustang: Whatever. They are almost ready.

Hawkeye: Everything else is in working order, Cari.

Me: -hands them candy canes- Thank you. I guess it's time to get this segment rolling! Hello, everyone and welcome to a special segment of Just Ask! I'm your hostess, Queen Cari, and these are the FMA cast. We are kind of building some Christmas cheer! Let's get everyone in!

-After an hour of "forcing" people into the room-

Me: -passing out tamales- Come on, dig in!

Ling: -munching- Mmm, this is good! I must have the recipe!

Me: I'll give it to you guys if you want it. Did you all get presents?

Al: We got presents to pass out.

Me: All right, since we got that done, let's get this show rolling! First off, we have **MissiB**! -gives tamale-

**...You're lucky you're hot, Envy, otherwise I'd ask Roy to burn your arse into a snivelling lizard. AGAIN!**

Mustang: I would do that right now, but we're, erm... forced to be good.

Me: Roy cannot burn anyone unless I permit it. :D

Mustang: Can I burn Envy?

Envy: -glares-

Me: ... Hm... I'll think about it.

**Anyhoo, here's my next question for all the FMA cast both good and evil: what's your ideal Christmas present? (homunculi, even if you don't celebrate it YOU MUST ANSWER!)**

Ed: I'd like for people to not call me short today.

Me: No promises.

Ed: You're like 5 ft, Cari! And you're 19!

Me: But I'm a girl! I think that's pretty okay.

Ed: -.-"

Al: I don't know what I would like.

Winry: Perhaps a tool kit for myself. But that's just me.

Father: I want to become a perfect being.

Me: Well you've been bad, so no presents for you! Santa keeps a naughty and nice list.

Ed: Santa is not re-

Me: SHUT UP! -covers his mouth- There are small children present, Edward. And Santa exists, okay!

Ed: -muffles-

Me: EW! He licked my hand!

**This chapter was awesome! And thank-you Truth for answering my question! It's so cool that a God-like being like yourself is on here!**

Truth: You are welcome, mortal.

Me: Thank you once again, **MissiB**! -passes present-

Mustang: Next up it's **Xavier 17**!

**Hey guys my gifts are for ed and the queen.**

Ed: Oh...

Me: Ooo!

**ed- a special potion that will make you taller than the usless colonel for 24hrs.**

Mustang: -facepalm-

Ed: ... you are awesome! Thank you!

Me: Careful with potions, Ed.

Ed: Oh you would know about potions! -drinks potion-

Me: ... -sighs-

-Ed manages to grow and he is taller than Mustang... by half a centimeter-

Ed: ... What?!

Me: Told you there was a downside. -shrugs-

Ed: I'm still taller than Colonel Bastard!

Ling: I can't see it.

Winry: Me neither.

Me: Sorry, Ed.

Ed: I hate you all.

**the queen- I give a book of royai fanart and a big box of cookies.**

Hawkeye: What?

Mustang: Oh shit.

Me: -takes it- Oh my God... -squeals- Thank you so much Xavier! -takes cookies- Oooh cookies! -offers them- Cookies?

**Merry Christmas and Roy keep talking bad about the queen and will give u a Christmas electrocution**

Mustang: ... Fine. I'm forced to behave either way. -stuffs his face with cookies-

Me: You all are. :D They have to behave for today, because it is Christmas!

Al: We don't want anyone messing around now, don't we?

Me: No we don't. Here you go! -passes present to **Xavier 17**-

Al: Here we have** Shalcro**! -hands a tamale-

**WOOOT CHRISTMAS! -Throws candy canes in the air for everyone to have-**

**I AM SO EXCITED! So for Christmas I got everyone presents! YAYAYAY**

**Edward: Here's 5000 cardboard cut outs of everyone you hate! Have fun! -Giant truck shows up with cut outs-**

Ed: -evil smirks- Thank you.

Mustang: Why am I there?!

Ed: I don't know. People think I hate you, but I don't. -draws mustaches on the Mustang cut outs-

Mustang: -.-"

**Alphonse: I went to the pet store yesterday and got as many cats as I could find! -Shows him box filled with some many cats they're falling out- -Looks into box- Don't even THINK about joining those other evil cats! -Mummers- I don't want my Edo to be hurt!**

Al: Oh thank you! :D

Ed: What do you mean by getting hurt?

Me: Perhaps referring to the pit of cats?

Mustang: Yeah... _those_ cats...

**Mustang: -Hands him a small velvet box- You know what to use it for. -Smirks-**

Mustang: ... Erm... thanks? -looks inside- Why is it empty?

Me: ... -facepalm- You dense motherfucker!

Ed: Language! -points at Elysia and Nina- There are small children present!

Me: Oh shut up! You're the one with the biggest potty mouth here! And you! -whispers in Mustang's ear-

Mustang: ... Oh my God. -.-"

**Riza: Here's a golden shotgun! I hope you're good with these things! -Passes golden shotgun-**

Hawkeye: Thank you... I'm still wondering where you guys are getting these golden guns.

**Havoc: Pack of smokes for you and a new lighter! -Passes him golden light and smokes-**

Havoc: Thank you! I just ran out!

**Breda: Sandwich? Hot-Dog? Ice-cream? Whatever you like. -Looks over to all you can eat buffet-**

Breda: You know exactly why I'm loving this holiday.

**Furey- Here's a computer from our world! Enjoy! -Hands him a brand new windows 8 computer, plus Windows 8 for Dummies-**

Fuery: Ooh, thank you!

**Winry: New wrench to hit Ed with! I made sure it wasn't to heavy so you can't kill him... OH and -Tosses small** **velvet box- Go for it girlfriend!**

Me: -laughs-

Winry: Ooh, thank you! -takes wrench and box- Hm... -opens it- It's empty too...

Me: -whispers in her ear-

Winry: -blushes and laughs-

Ed: ?

**Ling: New sword!**

Ling: Shiny :D

**Lan Fan: New Mask!**

Lan Fan: Thank you! It's really nice.

**Old man Fu: New sword for you too!**

Fu: Thank you, kid.

**Okay those were all the gifts I could get! Sorry other characters if I couldn't get you anything!**

**Now just a few questions!**

**Ed: Do you know any sword play?**

Ed: I know a little. Why do you think I used to transmute my arm?

**Mustang: Same question...**

Mustang: No, I dont...

Ed: HA!

Mustang: I didn't need it, kid.

**See told you there wouldn't be to many questions! Anyways Merry Christmas and Happy New Years... OH I almost forgot!**

**Cari: -Hands crown with Queen Cari engraved with diamonds- Merry Christmas! I transmuted that myself!**

**Merry Christmas and Happy New Years! Shalcro**

Me: It's so pretty :D Thank you! -smirks at Ed- Told you I'm Queen.

Ed: -.-"

Mustang: I want a crown. .-.

Me: Aw, too bad. -hands present to **Shalcro**-

Mustang: Next up it's **BrokenElixir358 **-hands tamale-

**MERRY CHRISTMAS! I got all of the FMA games translated into English for ya!**

Me: Thank you! Geez, you don't know how hard it is to learn Japanese.

**Okay, now that that's over with, here is a season of soul eater**

Ed: What's Soul Eater?

Me: Awesome anime.

**Ed: people tend to ship you with Maka, how do you feel about this?**

Ed: Who's Maka?

Me: -hands him Soul Eater DVD- Watch, laugh, and go WTF?

Ed: .-.

**Al: why do you sound different in the 2003 anime?**

Al: -shrugs-

Me: Different voice actors.

Al: Oh.

**Envy: besides your normally used form, who is your favorite person to transform into?**

Envy: I really don't have a favorite, but I like turning into someone that would torture my enemy.

Me: ... No present for you.

Envy: I don't care.

**Now that that's been said...ALLONS-Y!**

Me: Thanks for the entries! -hands present to **BrokenElixir358**-

Al: Well... here's** Theultimatenerd43! **-hands tamale-

**Lust, I ship you and Gluttony! X3**

Lust: ...

Gluttony: Ew!

Lust: Yeah...

**Tucker, -burns to death with Mustang's gloves- YOU LITTLE BITCH**

Tucker: -burns up-

Mustang: My gloves!

Me: ... -looks in my pockets- Hey! That was my present for Mustang!

Mustang: What?!

Me: -grabs gloves back and gives them to Mustang- I was gonna give them back today.

Mustang: ... Thanks.

Me: ... Hmm... -looks at pile of fire that is Tucker- who wants s'mores? :D

**Riza and Winry, What do you think about the pairing Rizwin?**

Hawkeye: ... What?

Winry: Uh... I admire and really like Riza, but... no... not that way.

Me: It only exists for the Yuri fandom! -looks away-

**Riza and Winry, I'm sorry that you had to hear about that pairing. Here is a toolbox full of automail parts for Winry and a bazooka for Riza. **

Winry: Ooh, thank you!

Hawkeye: How does this work?

Me: I'll show you later... when there aren't people who could get hurt around.

**Dear Al, Here's a box of kittens!**

Me: Al could make an army with those cats.

Mustang: ...

**Riza and Oliver, I'm sorry about what I'm about to say... In advance, here is a machine gun for Riza and an ancient Xingese sword for Oliver...  
**

Olivier: -examines sword- Huh...

Hawkeye: -holding machine gun- Not my type but okay...

**Okay... I kind of... A little bit... Ship you two. **

Olivier: ...

Hawkeye: ... Let me guess? Exists for the Yuri fandom?

Me: ... Yes...

**But not NEARLY as much Royai.**

Hawkeye: -sighs-

Mustang: If I had a bill every time someone ships us...

**Roy and Riza, please sing "I see the light" from Tangled! I love that song! And if you don't... Roy, you will be forced to go in the pit of fangirls, AND IT HAS TO BE THE FANGIRLS, and Riza will be forced to be plunged into the pit of smut, where her eyes are peeled open and she HAS to read Rizwin yuri smuts.**

Mustang: You are insane.

Hawkeye: ...

Me: Oh... my... God... THAT IS MY FAVORITE DISNEY SONG! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!

Mustang: Cari...

Me: Please? For me? Please? Please?

Mustang: ...

Me: Roy, please?! -looks at Hawkeye- Please, Riza? It's Christmas... -gets on my knees- Please?!

Mustang: ...

Hawkeye: ... Fine.

Mustang: Wait, what?!

Me: :D

Hawkeye: Sir, she's begging. And she called us by our first names. It's going to get worse from here. -looks at me- We'll sing it.

Me: :D

Hawkeye: After all the questions are done.

Me: ... Promise?

Hawkeye: Promise.

Me: Colonel?

Mustang: ... Promise.

Me: -holds out pinky- Pinky promise it. Now.

Hawkeye: -pinky promises-

Me: Mustang.

Mustang: -pinky promises- Fine.

Me: You all saw that! You're all my witnesses!

Hughes: Caught it on camera!

Me: Thank you! -throws candy cane at him-

**Cari, why isn't there an Al fangirl pit? Why am I not in it?**

Me: I should make separate pits for the fangirls.

Mustang: Please don't.

Me: Too late! Security!

-Security comes-

Security: Yes, ma'am?

Me: Make note of this. Gather insane fangirls and sort them out into categories.

Security: Noted, my Queen.

Me: Thank you. -hands him candy cane-

**Ling, Al is NOT betrothed to Mei! -holds up chainsaw- RIGHT?!**

Ling: -smirks- Yes they are. Right Edward?

Ed: Right.

Al and May: .-.

Ling: This is the only way we will tie our families forever!

Al: I'm being forced in a marriage!

Me: Oh, but Alphonse, you love your little princess, don't you?

Al: -blushes-

**Al, -kisses- My life is fulfilled. **

Al: .-.

Ling: HEY! He is engaged!

Al and May: ...

Ling: Cari my Queen, we are going to have a wedding ceremony next segment.

Me: No.

Ling: Come on!

Me: No, Ling.

Ling: But it's Christmas...

Me: -sighs-

**Ed, -gives a half-naked Winry tied up- This is your present. You're welcome.**

Winry: -blushing- HELP!

Ed: What the hell?! -unties her and hands her his jacket- What the hell is wrong with you?!

**Sheska, Here's a book! Merry Christmas!**

Sheska: Thank you :D I love it!

**Mustang, Here's some gloves that can NEVER EVER be stolen or ruined. Merry Christmas. **

Mustang: Thank you, darling.

**Al, Here's some more kittens! And a Nintendo!**

Al: Thank you! -takes kittens and Nintendo- Um... how does this work?

Me: We'll set it up to play Super Mario later, okay?

Al: All right... I guess.

**Oliver, here is a Major Miles. I could not tie him up like I did with Winry because he nearly killed me.  
**

**Miles and Oliver, ... I ship you.**

Olivier: ... Miles?

Miles: No, I don't know either.

Olivier: ... You fangirls really need to get knocked some sense into.

Me: ...

**Ling, Here is a Lan Fan! I could not tie her up or strip her for the same reason I could not tie up Miles, hence why I am excessively bleeding. -passes out from blood loss-**

Ling: ... :D

Lan Fan: .-.

Mustang: ... -gets up and pulls out a sharpie-

Me: What are you doing?

Mustang: -draws a mustache on** Theultimatenerd43**- ... What? I saw the opportunity and I seized it.

Me: ... -sighs and pulls out my phone- Hello? Yes, I need an ambulance...

Al: ... Hope she's all right.

Me: Same here. -puts present next to **Theultimatenerd43**-

Al: Here's **funnybia**! -hands tamale-

**Last chapter was fantastic, as usual, keep up the good work Cari and Fullmetal cast! (Still haven't made an acount... eventually...) Ok, presents first! Alphonse: I already gave you a present so I'll compliment my present by filling the water gun with water.**

Al: Thank you! Hmm... -squirts Ed with it-

Ed: HEY!

**Roy: a lighter. Quit being stubborn and USE it, I doubt you'll get your gloves back any time soon. Also I'm REALLY sorry for screwing you over, you'll know what I mean later... **

Mustang: Well I just got my gloves back from Cari. And I got a new pair of gloves, but okay. -plays with lighter- Thanks. Wait, screw me over?

**Riza: Here's BlackHayate, I borrowed him to solve a certain animal problem at my house... **

Hawkeye: .-. I was wondering where he was.

Black Hayate: Arf!

**Ed: There's nothing I can say except: sucks to be you right now! So here's an earplug, you can use it when people start going on and on about the wierd relationships in your life. Btw, I got the earplug in an airplane so it also comes with a tooth brush and tooth paste, you can do what you want with those... **

Ed: ... Erm.. thanks. -places earplugs on- Hm... I can drown out Colonel Bastard and the witch with these.

**Olivier: Here's a life size cardboard cut out of Mustang. Please don't take it the wrong way, I'm not mocking you, feel free to vent out your frustrations.**

Olivier: ... Thanks.

**Also I hope I'm aloud to give team mustang (that includes Hughes and Alex) these two packs of beer.**

Breda: -takes it- Thanks, kid!

Me: Hey! The legal age is 21, so if I see any of them -points at Ed and the rest of the teenagers and children- drunk, you're gonna get it!

Havoc: We'll try not to.

Me: Colonel...

Mustang: I'll make sure of it.

Me: Better yet... Hawkeye!

Hawkeye: Don't worry.

Mustang: What?! I'm not trustworthy enough?

Me: Just in case, Mustang.

**Questions:**  
**Ed: I'm going to scream out these sexy moments of you and Roy from a certain fic... [screams out sexy inapropriate moments] Just checking if the earplugs are working (hope they are), sorry everyone else.**

Ed: -blank face because he can't hear anything-

Mustang: -twitches- You said I could use this, right?

Me: No burning the reviewers, Roy Mustang!

Mustang: ... Fine.

**Now the question: What was your first traumatic experience with milk? Please don't tell me it was breast feeding...**

Ed: -still wearing earplug-

Me: ... Al? Winry? Pinako?

Al: I dunno

Winry: Me neither.

Pinako: That runt always hated milk. No one knows when it started.

**Roy: Hope your ears aren't bleeding. Regarding Olivier's answer to my question: Don't worry, you're good enough for anybody you want... even Ed [snickers].**

Mustang: I want to hate you... but it's Christmas.

**Don't be too angry with me, since it's Christmas I've decided to spare both you and Riza from having to hear my many annoying and intrusive questions and comments about your obviously existent romantic feelings towards each other**

Hawkeye: We're used to it.

**(I'll save THOSE for later, heeheehee), so your welcome. Question: Have you ever heard the song 'Burning Down the House by Talking heads'? If not, PLEASE listen to it, it always reminds me of you. Also, the song 'Light my Fire by Jose Feliciano' would make a great love song for you and Ri-*cough* ...someone...**

Mustang: ... I haven't heard of them.

Me: I'll play it for you afterwards.

**Team Mustang: Back when Al was a suit of armor, have you guys ever used him as a storage container or emergency kit on missions? I'm REALLY curious about this one, so if yes please tell me about at least one time.**

Al: Oh..

Mustang: We did have him hide a few of our things before. But we hardly involved him in our missions.

Havoc: Um...

Hawkeye: What did you guys do?

Breda: -clears throat- We kinda... um...

Al: They stored alcohol inside of me...

Everyone: ...

Hawkeye: ... What?!

Mustang: What the fuck!?

Ed: -still with earplugs-

Al: I'm sorry!

Mustang: I should really use this. -pulls out lighter-

Havoc: Wait, chief! We're sorry!

Mustang: You better be!

Me: Erm... Well then...

**Ok, that's actually it, Merry Christmas everyone, hope everything works out for the best! One last message for Roy: Well I said I was gonna screw you over but I guess I did it multiple times... sorry. Please don't hate me.**

Mustang: I'll try not to... -holds up his lighter- Thanks for this, though!

Me: -hands present to **funnybia**- Thanks for coming! Mustang, don't burn anything or anyone.

Mustang: I won't. Next up we have **Bluefire21**! -hands tamale-

**Ed, if it makes you feel better, when I write stories, I am perfectly nice to you! It's only my favorite character that I mess with well…except for my one fic.**

Ed: -still with earplug on-

Me: -pulls them off- There we go.

Ed: Hey!

**To the colonel: Warning - I'll actually give you a warning about the cats this time, don't go near any of them on Christmas! The lieutenant would be upset if you died. - Warning.**

Me: I'm trying not to throw anyone in the pit of cats, so he's safe... for now.

Mustang: .-. Um... okay. -mutters- Not those cats you stupid witch.

**Finally, have you ever looked at wedding/engagement rings for anyone? Hughes and Madame, feel free to answer for him if he refuses to answer (honestly).**

Mustang: No, I haven't...

Hughes: I don't know.

Madame Christmas: No, he hasn't.

Both of them: Yet...

Mustang: -.-"

**To the author: Frozen was a good movie wasn't it? Have fun in Mexico, happy holidays, and most importantly, have fun writing!**

Me: I loved Frozen! And thank you so much! You too! -passes present to **Bluefire21**- :D Next we have** Nurdburger! **-hands tamale-

***smiling widely* Envy, I will reduce you to your powerless form and sick you in a cage. And feed you chocolate since the internet says you love it. **

Envy: ... What the hell?

**Oh, I have a question for Al. First of all, you can pat my cat. Be careful; she bites. My other one licks. You can babysit them. Oh, they know EVERYTHING that's going on with the other cats, Raynas, so don't even try. Willow will scratch your face off and Bubba will lick the blood off the floor. They're homunculus cats, btw.**

Me: Why is everyone concerned about the cats?

Mustang: I dunno, perhaps because they might be evil?

Me: -.-"

Al: Oh... um okay. Wait, homunculus cats?

Mustang: -thinks to himself- _Homunculus cats... they're still threats._

Me: Homunculus... cats? Erm... okay...

Al: As long as they don't harm the other cats.

**Queen Cari, I hope you have a lovely holiday! And Merry Christmas, everyone! :)**

Me: Thank you, darling! -hands present to **Nurdburger**-

Al: Next up we have **Kay**! -gives tamale-

**MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! **  
***holds mistletoe over Ed and Winry, and one over Al and Mei* Heehee.**

Me: Aw...

Ed: ... What is that?

Me: -Ahem- I guess it is time to explain this to you guys. That is called a mistletoe. When two people are under it... they must kiss.

Ed: ... WHAT!

Al: Wait, what?!

Winry: Uh...

May: -blushing- Oh...

Me: NOW KISS! :3

Al: ... erm...

Ed: ... -gives Winry a small peck on the lips- There! -blushing-

Al: Um...

May: -sighs- Don't worry, Alphonse. -gives him a kiss on the cheek-

Al: -blushes-

Me: Fluffy. And cute. -gives present to **Kay**-

Mustang: Young love, how adorable. -ahem- Here's **justaguest**. -hands tamale-

***grabs the queen's cat and the rest of the evil cats and throws them in a bag* got ya!**

Me: HEY!

-Cats are yowling and attempting to get out-

***throws the cats into the pit of fangirls* **

Me: .-.

Everyone: ...

**merry christmas everyone!**

...

...

...

...

Me: Did you just...?

Mustang: -fist bumps the air- Yes!

Me: -sighs- Security!

-Security comes out-

Security: Yes?

Me: Get my cat out of the pit.

Security: ... Yes, my Queen.

Me: -hands him candy cane- Here you go, love. Okay folks, so that is all the questions I have for today. Here, I have presents for the cast! -starts passing presents-

Al: Ooo, can we open them?

Me: If you want.

Al: -opens his present- Huh, a shirt!

May: I got a shirt and a skirt!

Winry: I got an outfit!

Mustang: I got a dress shirt

Hawkeye: I got a shirt and a long skirt

Hughes: I got a nice outfit

Ed: -holding his own outfit up- Did we all get outfits?!

Ling: Oooh, mine is nice!

Me: Yeah... I got everyone clothes this year. I don't really care for material items.

Mustang: You don't seem to mind that crown and fanart book you got.

Me: ... Shut up. x3

Ed: -sighs- Yo, Cari!

Me: Yes, Ed?

Ed: -motions to himself and Mustang- We got something for you.

Me: Really?

Mustang: Yep.

Me: Aw, you guys. That's so... nice of you... Wait, what's the catch?

Ed: It's Christmas...

Me: And...?

Ed: ... and Al and Winry forced me to.

Mustang: Hawkeye forced me to get you something...

Me: Ah, that makes sense. But still, thank you.

Ed: Here you go. -hands me a broom-

Me: ... What?

Mustang: Merry Christmas, Cari.

Me: ... What the fuck?

Ed: :D

Me: -.-" Oh my God.

Mustang: Hope you love it!

Me: Gee, thanks. -gasp- That reminds me! Mustang!

Mustang: What?

Me: Where's Riza?

Hawkeye: Here.

Me: YOU HAVE TO SING NOW!

Both of them: ...

Me: Please...? You guys promised...

Hawkeye: -ahem- Fine. Only because it's Christmas.

Me: Yay! This is for you, **Theultimatenerd43**! Hope she's okay... .-.

Hawkeye:

_All those days watching from the windows_

_All those years outside looking in_

_All that time never even knowing _

_Just how blind I've been._

_Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight_

_Now I'm here, suddenly I see_

_Standing here, it's all so clear_

_I'm where I'm meant to be_

_And at last I see the light _

_And it's like the fog has lifted_

_And at least I see the light_

_And it's like the sky is new_

_And it's warm and real and bright_

_And the world has somehow shifted_

_All at once everything looks different _

_Now that I see you._

Ed: ... It's a love song isn't it?

Me: Shush! -clamps my hand over his mouth- Lick me again, and you're going into the pit!

Ed: ... -muffled- I really hate you.

Me: Love you too, Edward. Go on, Roy, your turn.

Mustang: I want to hate you right now.

Me: Please?

Mustang: ... Fine.

_All those days chasing down a daydream_

_All those years living in a blur_

_All that time never truly seeing things the way they were_

_Now she's here shining in the starlight_

_Now she's here, suddenly I know_

_If she's here, it's crystal clear, I'm where I'm meant to go_

Both:_ And at last I see the light_

Mustang:_ And it's like the fog has lifted. _

Both:_ And at least I see the light_

Hawkeye:_ And it's like the sky is new_

Both:_ And it's warm and real and bright_

_And the world has somehow shifted._

_All at once everything looks different now that I see you..._

Me: -holds up a mistletoe in between them-

Mustang: ... I hate you.

Me: Christmas...

Mustang: ... Fine. -gives Hawkeye a quick kiss-

Me: YAY! I can die happily! -hands them candy canes-

Both of them: ... -takes candy canes-

Security: -returning scratched up with Rayas- Here's your cat, my Queen.

Me: Thank you, love! -hands him a giant candy cane and a paycheck- Go shopping!

Mustang: Hey! Where's our paycheck?!

Me: ... Erm... Well, let's get things packing! Come on, Rayas!

Ed: You're leaving?

Me: Well, yeah.

Mustang: -smirks- Bye-bye, cat.

Rayas: -hisses- You're going to die, human!

Mustang: .-.

Me: -picks up Rayas- Mustang, stop bothering the cat.

Mustang: .-. Di-Did it just...?

Me: Well, guys, this is it. I will now be on my way to get things ready for my vacation. I'll see you all here next year.

Ed: Next year?

Me: I'll bring you back here. You know I can.

Ed: Yeah, because you're a witch!

Me: Whatever. -grabs broom- All of you guys, take care! Thank you, to the amazing reviewers! Goodbye everyone! -flys away on the broom with Rayas-

Everyone: ...

...

...

...

Ed and Mustang: TOLD YOU SHE WAS A WITCH!

* * *

Author's Note: To the reviewers

I really want to thank you all for all of your wonderful entries, comments, and questions you have given to this random story. You guys keep me going and I really appreciate all the comments you leave. You guys are really amazing and I love you all.

I hope you all enjoy your holidays. Be safe out there and I can't wait to see you all next year (lol get it?). I love you all!

- Cari x3


	9. New Chapter for the New Year

Disclaimer:

Mustang: The stupid perverted witch does not own this franchise. She is just borrowing the characters for her amusement/our torture.

Al: Cari also doesn't own any of the pop culture references she tends to make on here, nor any songs.

* * *

Mustang: Wait... Us doing that disclaimer means...

Me: Surprise bitch! Thought you've seen the last of me.

Mustang: God fucking dammit.

Me: -tips hat- Greetings, everyone and welcome back to Just Ask! I hope you guys had a great holiday! Also, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Ed: I hate you so much.

Me: Love you too, Edward. Now then, let's get this new year started! First thing's first, yes I am a witch... Didn't see that coming, did ya?

Ed: We did.

Me: Shut it, Ed. Let's get this show on a roll! Woo! First off we have **Not So Human**

**Well, that was interesting. I was a little dissappointed. Personally, I wanted to see the cats do their thing. Oh well, I hope you all had a great Christmas.**

**Now question time. Ed, what are the names of you kids?**

Ed: I don't have any kids.

Me: -shows off the last family picture in the series- Look! You have a cute little son that is smiling like you! And you have a cute little daughter that looks like her mommy!

Ed: WHAT!

Winry: -blushing-

Al: Aw!

Hughes: That is adorable! Can I have one?

Me: Sure! -hands it to him-

**Roy, I just wanted to say that according to the talking cow you do become Furer.**

Mustang: Of course I do. Wait, talking cow?

Me: Yeah, that's how Arakawa portrays herself.

Mustang: Erm... interesting... Anyways, Fullmetal, you owe me 520 cenz.

Ed: In your dreams, Mustang.

**Also, did you know that Vic Mignogna's famous Ed line is "Roy Mustang looks dead sexy in a miniskirt." I love that line even though Ed never actually says it.**

Ed: Ew... and I never will.

Me: ... -pictures Mustang in a mini skirt- ... Huh... Interesting.

**Havoc why do you smoke? Are you trying to kill yourself?**

Havoc: It helps me relax.

Me: According to God herself, Arakawa said that she made Havoc a smoker because she planned Mustang's victory over Lust since she began the story. He was going to be the cause of the good guys' first major victory in the series.

Mustang: And you all call me useless.

Me: Hail to the King, baby.

**Breda why are you afraid of dogs?**

Breda: I had a bad experience with dogs at a young age. The only dog I am comfortable with is Black Hayate.

Black Hayate: Arf!

**Tucker I'm sorry everyone kills you. In fact, I'm going to be nice and take you away from these evil people. *smirks evilly and shoves Tucker in sack* Don't worry Ed, I'll make sure he gets what he deserves. *runs away laughing maniaclly***

Everyone: ...

Me: -throws cookie at **Not So Human**- Here you go, love!

Al: So it's cookies now?

Me: You want one?

Al: Yes please. -takes cookie- Next up we have **KonohaKame01**!

**Edward, would you rather be short like you were when you were 12 or as tall as the Colossal Titan (From Attack On Titan) & if you don't know how tall it is, it's 60 Meters KonohaKame01**

Ed: The Colossal Titan?

Me: SIE SIND DAS ESSEN UND WIR SIND DIE JAGER!

Everyone: ...

Me: .-. Sorry... I love that manga and anime... Levi is hot...

Ed: Erm... Okay... I'd probably be tall as the Colossal Titan... Perhaps pay the Colonel's house a visit...

Mustang: Hey!

Al: Brother, be nice. Here's **Bluefire21**!

**Thank you for the gift, it was really thoughtful of you, and it was a wonderful tamale!**  
**To the colonel, one, have you ever had any near death experiences? **

Mustang: ... I've had plenty.

Me: -takes out list- Hm... there were moments in Ishval, perhaps some missions, there was the time you first faced Scar, I mean his hand was right in front of your face! which reminds me... Yo Lieutenant! -throws cookie at Hawkeye-

Hawkeye: -catches it- Thank you.

Me: You're welcome! Hmm... there was when you were stabbed by Lust, almost eaten by Gluttony, almost shot by Hawkeye when you went looney, the transmutation that turned you blind-

Mustang: I think ALL of us almost died in this fucking series.

Me: Yep. Especially if you count the nation wide transmutation circle...

**And two, if you compare all your men to chess pieces, what are Ed and Al?**

Al: I'm part of your men?

Mustang: -smiles- Of course Al. You are definitely one of my men.

Al: Aw, thanks, Colonel. Where do we stand?

Mustang: -thinks- Hm... good question...Well, time to improvise. Alphonse is the Prince, and Edward is the Princess.

Ed: WHAT!

Me: New fav Princess everyone! (Sorry Kuzco)

**And to Hughes, if you ever had another child, a son, what would his name be?**

Hughes: Good question... I never thought of a name for a son!

Me: ... Roy?

Hughes: Nah... not Roy. Then I would be confused.

Mustang: -shrugs- Oh well. Here is **MissiB**!

**Damn, I didn't know you could give gifts! I should really read the authors note more...anyway, this chapter was adorable. I loved all the gift giving and merriment (and passive-aggressive banter XD) it was really awesome!**

Me: That is what the holidays are all about! :D

**O.k, questions. This one's for Kimblee: Yo Solf! Seeing as you flirted with Envy a little bit in the Brotherhood series (don't deny it, we all saw you when he picked you up from prison!) I have to ask-did you and the palm tree ever have a thing? Because personally I think you guys are made for each other!**

Envy: No.

Kimblee: Please, I could do better than him.

Envy: -scoffs- Tch. Whatever. I won't date a human.

Me: ... Guys...

Mustang: What?

Me: I just got a new yaoi pairing. :D

Everyone: -.-"

**Oh, and Rayas (DEVIL CAT!) just so you know, I have a pet snake that eats cats so if you or your friends even THINK about attacking those lovely cast members I will sick her on you! (Sorry Cari, but your cat's evil)**

Me: .-. -hugs Rayas- My baby!

Mustang: Your cat is a demon.

Me: Shut up or you're gonna baby sit her!

**I hope you have a really nice Christmas, my beloved Queen! *Bows* and the rest of you guys too! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

Al: Thank you! Here is** Theultimatenerd43! **

**-walks out of ambulance- ROY AND RIZA AND AAAGGGHHHH YOUR VOICES ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOUR LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL AND HOLY CHEETOS -fangirls so hard the pit of fangirls try to recruit me-**

Me: ... "Holy Cheetos". I'm using that now. -pauses- Hm... -taps my chin-

Ed: Fuck... she has another thought crossing her head.

Me: Hm... New segment idea... Take note of this! Segment in which the FMA Cast sing Disney Songs!

Ed: NO!

**Anyways, thank you for the present! -opens- OH MAH CHEETOS EDWIN AND ROYAI FANART AND FANFIC EDWIN IS MAH OTP AND AFTER THAT IS ROYAI AAAHHHHHH**

Mustang: She's fangirling. What do we do?

Me: ... We let her. We only interfere when it gets out of hand.

Ed: Define "out of hand".

Me: ... Kidnapping one of you guys to torture in a kinky way.

Everyone: ...

Ling: Isn't that why the pit of fangirls exist?

Me: ... Yes.

**Anyways, Riza, what did you think about going to Ishval when you were still in the academy?**

Hawkeye: It was a scary moment in my life. It was also the biggest regret I have in my life.

Me: :(

**Black Hayate, -glomps-**

Hayate: o_o

**Havoc, here is a late present -gives pack of cigarettes-**

Havoc: Thank you!

Mustang: Those things are going to kill you.

Havoc: Shut up! If it weren't for me being a smoker, you wouldn't have been able to defeat Lust, so ha!

Mustang: ...

**Al, Okay, I'll back off if you really like Mei. I do ship you two, after all. **

**Mei, Truce? -hand shakes-**

May: Sure. -shakes hand and smiles-

**Sorry I don't have many questions.**

Al: It's okay!

Mustang: -pushes **Theultimatenerd43** into the pit of fangirls-

Me: WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!

Mustang: ... -shrugs- Here's** Shalcro!**

**Well new years hu? Okay then time to get some s*** done... -Smirks-**

**Ed: -Kisses Ed- MY LIFE IS NOW COMPLETE! I waited 7 sessions to do that!**

Ed: ... .-. What is it with you fangirls?!

**Gezz with all these sessions I'm staring to run out of ideas! Here is a question!**

Me: Sorry... I'm thinking of new themes at the moment. -pulls out list-

Ed: -snatches my list and reads it- You wrote the Disney Song Segment down?!

Me: No one else was going to do it. And give it back! -takes it back-

**Riza and Ed: Did you know people pair you together for some reason... How do you feel about that?**

Ed: -sighs- Great...

Hawkeye: Edward is too young.

Ed: Also, I look up to Hawkeye as an older sister. And I value my life thank you very much. I don't want to be a walking shooting target or barbecued.

Al: Barbecued?

Me: Ed ships Royai.

Hawkeye: ...

Mustang: Is that true?

Ed: ... Maybe...

Mustang: Dammit, Fullmetal.

**Okay last thing I need to do here. -Pushes Riza and Roy into some random room- -Locks door and swallows key- You guys aren't coming out till something happens!**

Me: .-.

Everyone else: .-.

Al: Miss Cari, can you use your magic to get them out?

Me: ... I can.

...

...

...

...

...

Ed: You're gonna leave them in there, aren't you?

Me: Yep.

**Alright see you guys all later! Bye!**

Thank you! Here's** aida! **

**Hope you have a great vacation Cari! Stay safe! **  
**Here's my questions**  
**Hughes: how is heaven like? Same question to Nina because your deaths made me sob like a baby! *throws a shoe at Envy and a knife at tucker* ****I spared Scar because he did it out of mercy...**

Envy: Hey!

Me: Sorry, Tucker went bye bye.

Hughes: .-. Erm, the afterlife is pretty nice. It hurts seeing my family and friends hurt, but I like to see them be happy.

Nina: And I am with Alexander and Mommy! And Mr. Hughes shows me pictures of his daughter! She's so nice!

Me: ... -sniffles and cries-

Ed: ... -pats my shoulder-

Me: -sniffs- Thanks, Edward.

Ed: You're welcome.

Al: Tissue? -hands me tissue-

Me: -takes it- Thanks.

**Ed and Al: in the 2003 series there were these two brothers known as the Triningham brothers who took your identities. how do you react to that? **  
**(WHY WEREN'T THEY IN BROTHERHOOD?!) **

Me: They were replaced with Ling.

Ling: Hi! Wait, what do you mean they were replaced by me?

Me: You didn't exist in the 2003 anime, Ling.

Ling: D:

**Roy: Speaking of the 2003 series, you called Riza beautiful at the end! THEN YOU LEFT HER IN THE MOVIE! WHY!? (I hate that movie)**

Me: Erm... Mustang and Hawkeye are kinda... "busy" at the moment -smirks-

Ed: You pervert.

Me: Shut it, Ed.

Hughes: WAIT! He left her in the movie?! What the hell?!

Me: Remember when I said that Roy was a depressed baby in the movie because Ed was gone? Yeah... he got himself demoted to Corporal and was sent up north. No, you didn't exist in the 2003 anime, Briggs soldiers.

Briggs Soldiers: ...

Me: Anyways, yeah... he was that depressed. He left his entire fucking team. Then there was the hot air balloon issue, though I believe he left her at that moment so he can keep her out of danger. Though it would have been nice to see Mustang reunite with his team be... a little more... touching. -sighs-

**Also, Ed and Al left WINRY! WHY?!**

Ed and Al: What?

Winry: Wait, what?

Me: Ed went back to the other side of the Gate to close the portal, and he was going to be stuck over there forever. Al followed him to the other side and had Mustang close it on this side. Yeah... without saying goodbye.

Ed: ... What?!

Me: You were a different character there than here, Ed. -reads Post CoS fanfiction that has the brothers returning home- Oh well, at least these exist.

**Miss Authoress, are you a Disney fan? It looks liek you are :] **

Me: -shows off my Hakuna Matata shirt- What do you think, my darling?

**Also,**  
**do you like yaoi or yuri in the FMA fandom at all? (tbh it looks like you really dont...)**

Me: ... Actually, I do have a few pairings that I don't mind. Though I have mixed feelings towards Royed...

Ed: ... Do you ship us?

Me: ... As long as you are old enough in the fanfic. .-. Sorry, age gap issue for me.

Ed: ...

Me: But I don't mind Ed/Ling,

Ed: NO!

Ling: I'm not gay.

Me: Roy/Maes (During academy days that is)

Hughes: No, please no.

Me: And I have a soft spot for Mustang/Havoc.

Havoc: WHAT!

Me: Sorry Havoc.

Havoc: I am straight. Mustang does NOT have boobs.

Me: -hands him a fem!Roy drawing-

Havoc: ...

Me: For the Yuri group, I actually like WinryxPaninya. x3 I've read that before and it's so entertaining.

Winry and Paninya: .-.

Me: -ahem- I despise Edvy and Elricest (No offence to those who like it, it's just that I hate it. A lot).

Ed, Al, and Envy: GOOD!

Me: ... Unless it's well written... though I don't think I'd last for long. .-.

Al: I just find it creepy that it exists. -shudders- Anyways, here's **Kay**!

**Hooray for tamales! Thanks very much, and thank you for the present! Now, off to questions: **  
**Roy: Did you mind playing a villain when you practically tricked everyone into believing you killed Maria Ross? I almost had a heart attack and wanted to question the alignment of every character since then, but you were too badass to be hated. x)**

Ed: ... Is the Colonel is still in the room with Hawkeye?

Me: Yep.

Ling: Should we check on them?

Me: NO! Let them be... x3

Ed: ... I swear, the Colonel fooled a lot of us... -mumbles to himself-

Havoc: That was the point.

Me: Sorry Ed. -smirks to myself- Heh... Lissette (1)

Ed: What?

Me: Nvm. Here's **justaguest**!

**So Cari was a witch this whole time?! I knew it! 3 Roy and Riza are cute. I hope you have a great vacation, Cari! **  
**i had this weird thought the other day. FMA cast, how would you guys spend the day at Disneyland? :) I went to Disneyland the other day and it was amazing.**

Ed: ... What's Disneyland?

Me: The happiest place on Earth!

Ed: ... Right...

Me: Someone has to do an FMA Cast Goes to Disneyland! NOW! That would be entertaining. .-.

Al: I actually want to go now. -sighs- Here we have **Finn-The-Dragon**

**Okay so far I love this! You are awesome Queen Cari!**

Me: Wee! Thank you!

Ed: She is NOT awesome.

Me: :(

**Anyway, my question/statement is for my favorite character: Roy Mustang! **

Me: Mustang is not available at the moment... He's kind of busy -smirks-

Everyone else: Pervert.

Me: :3

**I'm writing a story that involves Roy getting turned into a chimera- Dragon while saving Edward's sorry arse from Shou Tucker *shoots flames at Tucker* DIE! What do you all think of this? (Btw, it's not on here cause I feel that it's not good e**

Me: I would like to read that fic. Sounds interesting.

Ed: ... I'm rescued by Colonel Bastard... who's a dragon? .-.

Me: I love dragons! -hugs Smaug plushie- :O Someone should draw a dragon!Mustang fanart!

Ling: Is the Colonel still in stuck in the room with the Lieutenant?

Me: Yep.

Al: How long have they been in there?

Me: Long enough.

...

...

...

...

Al: You're going to leave them in there, aren't you?

Me: Yeah, I'm leaving them in there. x3

Al: Oh, Cari -.-" Here's **agarfinkel**

**1. Lust- how far can you extend you ultimate spear?**

Lust: Long enough. -extends fingernails-

Everyone: ...

Me: Someone measure that.

**2. Winry- how many pairs of earrings do you have? (According to some OVA, whenever Ed came back to get his automail fixed, he always got you a pair of earrings so you wouldn't get mad at him)**

Winry: -.-" That idiot.

Ed: Hey!

Winry: Well I have 10 pairs- WAIT! Does that mean you broke my automail ten times!

Ed: Annnd there she goes agains. -.-"

Winry: You moron! You should be careful with your automail!

Ed: Bla Bla woman, you're screaming in my ear.

Hughes: Aw, fighting like a married couple.

Ed: Shut up!

**3. Riza- did Roy ever tell you about the time when he saw your grandfather at the cemetery dressed as a woman?**

Ed: Wait... what?! Who's the lieutenant's grandfather?

Me: No other than the new Fuhrer himself, Grumman!

Grumman: -laughs- Oh, that incident. I had to be careful you know.

Ed: ... So... Hawkeye is related to the new Fuhrer... Interesting. Why did you dress as a woman?

Grumman: It was during the time Mustang's team was separated. He asked for my help afterwards. I wore a disguise to prevent suspicion.

Ed: Huh... He is related to Hawkeye...

Me: Well, that's all we have for tonight folks! Thanks for coming!

Al: Miss Cari... What about the Colonel and the Lieutenant?

_-_A door is transmuted, then Mustang and Hawkeye walk out of the room-

Me: HEY!

Mustang: Didn't you guys forget that I can use alchemy without a circle?

Ed: Took you that long to figure that out again?

Hawkeye: Actually, he thought of it as soon as we were locked in.

Me: Wait, then why did you wait until now to get out?

Mustang: Well... it was a good amount of time to be away from you, so we stayed in there.

Me: -raises eyebrows suggestively- That was enough time for you two to get busy!

Hawkeye: -.-"

Mustang: -.-" No you stupid perverted witch. I took a long and relaxing nap.

Me: ... What?

Hawkeye: It's true. He took a nap.

Me: ... You guys... were inside that room, by yourselves, with neither of us interrupting you, and you took a nap. You were alone in there with Riza-fucking-Hawkeye and you took a nap!

Mustang: ... Yeah.

Me: ... Well then. See you guys next time... -mutters to myself- He took a fucking nap.

* * *

**NEW IDEA FOR A SEGMENT! No, it's not the Disney segment. (Sorry Disney Fans)**

**This chapter got me thinking: GUYS! Submit every pairing you can think of in this fandom and see how the characters react to them!**

* * *

(1) Lissette is my niece who stayed with us during the summer. I recently began to rewatch Brotherhood with my nephew at the time. The kid LOVED the show and he would always talk to me about it. Liz got curious about it and so she watched it with us. She was instantly hooked and it was fun seeing her get attached to the show.

Unfortunately she got attached way too much to Hughes, her favorite character after Ed and Hawkeye, and yeah... the result wasn't pretty. She had a HUGE grudge against Envy afterwards. She liked Team Mustang, but not really Mustang himself. She grew to hate Mustang after the Maria Ross incident, and she asked why I loved him. I told her it was because he was hot. But then she saw the episode after and liked him... then LOVED him after episode 19. Since then he is her number 6 favorite.

She's really attached to the characters. She loves the brothers, LOVES Ling and May, adores the Armstrong siblings, ships Edwin like crazy, ships Royai as well as AlMei, and man she was sadistic when Envy was being tortured. x3 Anyways, that is my short story on how I got my niece into Brotherhood. She refuses to accept the 2003 series because of the ending, the movie, and the lack of Ling and May. (She said the last reason is a sin).

Lol sorry, I just felt like sharing that. .-.


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